TLEE86 Part IV

[TLEE86]

Hey V- thanks so much for checking in on me. I feel very...I don't know right now. I still keep my ring on, havent taken it off since this whole thing started. I guess...I still feel attached to it? That until we are divorced, its still...mine?

It [censored] now though..because I find myself checking our phone logs to see if she's contacted a divorce lawyer yet. And I wonder if tomorrow will be the day. Its a horrible feeling...And of course theres a small part, well, pretty big part of me that wonders and hopes that maybe she wont call a lawyer. Maybe she was just angry when I said no more to the finances but wont really file right now. Probably false hope...

I did join a dating website..not sure if thats the right move but honestly I'm so tired of feeling alone. Im not looking for anything serious but something to dull the pain...I don't know. Im trying to throw myself into work to give me a distraction but its hard when work was all I ever did before and look where it brought me. and on this dating website I find that even if a girl is pretty, all I do is compare her to my wife. Like oh you don't look like W, you don't talk like W...idk..im just not ready i guess. I feel blue. Gonna try and go run and maybe get some feel good hormones pumping into my veins. though it is 99degrees at 8pm right now. THUMBS DOWN. =/