Journaling: I had a great extended weekend. It started with STBX picking up the kids from my place. She came inside, sat down on the couch, and motioned for me to sit next to her. I did and she put her head on my shoulder. She started to fall asleep and after a few minutes I woke her up and let her know I needed to head out. D4 asked about STBX's sandy feet. STBX said that she went to the beach and took a nap in one of the cabanas. She then gave me a hug and said that I looked nice.
As soon as they left, I began on my road trip. After a few hours, I arrived at my best friend's house and he, his wife, his wife's friend, and I hit the town. We had a good time but we're probably out a bit too late.
The next morning, after a delayed start, we picked up some breakfast and Bloody Mary's. Later that afternoon, my best friend and I worked on making concrete pavers for his back yard. It felt good to get my hands dirty and help my buddy out. Afterwards, we rewarded ourselves by hanging out in the pool and hot tub. I FaceTimed with STBX in the kids while I was still wet from the pool. STBX felt compelled to ask if I was at a hotel. I just replied by saying no.
Here's where things get a little dicey. After we finished with the pool, my friend, his wife, her friend, and I wanted to get caught up on True Detective. However after a few minutes, my friend and his wife went to bed, leaving his wife's friend and me. We had been chatting off and on throughout the weekend. Needless to say, a few too many beers later and she and I ended up making out. I'm obviously a little conflicted about this and I'm sure I have a bunch of 2x4s coming my way.
Today, I woke up early so I could visit a state park on the way home. Then I got home with a few hours to spare so I went jogging, straightened up the house, and picked up a few things from the grocery store. Definitely a productive and rewarding day.
STBX dropped off the kids on her way in to work. She asked me if I had fun over the weekend. I told her that I did. Before she left, she got out of her car to give me a hug. The hug was longer than usual so I ended it after a few seconds. STBX also said that I looked good as she got back into her car.
So all in all it was a fun and pretty eventful weekend. I do regret the incident with my buddy's wife's friend but the selfish, weak part of me feels like I deserved it.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Defacto- would that have ever happened if you hadn't been served D papers?
Not saying it's right or wrong, just curious.
I'm assuming the answer is 'no', and if so then you just regroup and reread your mission statement. No one besides you and that individual should ever think of it again. But I would encourage you to shut that down going forward until you are fully D'd, have accepted that to the core, and have waited long enough to know that it won't turn around. That's just me though. Take care!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
So when you ask your wife to change jobs and/or never see or speak to OM again and she, in return, justifiably requests that you never see or speak to OW as well as your best friend and his wife again what are you going to do?
What a horribly disrespectful thing for your best friend and his wife to do to you and your family. Casually setting you up on a pseudo-date and then leaving you alone with her. Your first mistake wasn't kissing her...it was putting yourself in temptations way. If anything good can come of this (which it probably won't) is that you'll now understand that cheating isn't all that hard to do. Share some laughs, some conversation and a few drinks and, just a few hours later, you FEEEEEEEL like you deserve it.
Feelings LIE.
Just like they did for your wife who imagined herself as all that as Dr. McDreamy picked her out of the crowd of other female minions to give his attention to.
Both of you FINALLY did something for yourself AND IT FEEEELLLLLTTTTTT GOOD.
Sometimes these things have a way of working out and helping recoveries. I hope so for your children's sake but I can't help thinking you'd have been better served just sitting on that couch with your wife friday night and never leaving town.
Are you still communicating with this girl?
If her number is in your phone ERASE IT RIGHT NOW before you lose your mind and start texting and calling this girl like a typical wayward.
Don't go back there until you are divorced.
You do intend to tell your wife about this, right? Your best shot at recovery requires honesty. It'll probably help. Your wife will be hurt and jealous, but now that you are in the same boat she'll see a path of recovery that doesn't involve so much shame and guilt on her part (where she won't feel like you can or will hold it over her head forever). I've seen it go the other way too, where the wayward FEEEEELS they made a mistake and got in to far making their affair an accident whereas your revenge affair is supposedly over the top and intentionally done to hurt them. It's crazy logic but revenge affairs are a double down on crazy. I'm just hoping for the best since I invested so much time and energy helping you.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Thanks Ralphy. I think this is a good approach to take.
Zues, I'm sure that subconsciously being served triggered a finality in my understanding. I can try to persuade myself that it isn't over (and I know that it isn't) but sometimes it's difficult to ignore the cold reality that my STBX has taken finite and calculated steps when filing for D.
GB, I knew you'd be disappointed. And while I don't think it's entirely fair to compare it against my STBX's previous actions, I do regret what happened. To be honest though, revenge wasn't a conscious motivation for me. Now, the source of my regret and motivations is a discussion for another thread.
To answer your questions, I do not have any way of contacting her. And I would tell my STBX about it if we ever found ourselves in a place of reconciliation in the future.
I am disappointed in myself because I wanted to be above reproach during this whole journey. Nonetheless, I will learn from this mistake going forward.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Journaling: I had a pretty uneventful day at work. Made the kids dinner, bathed them, and they drifted off to sleep with no problem.
STBX called a little late to talk with kids and they had already fallen asleep. We had a friendly chat about topics relating to the kids. Then, as I was saying goodbye, STBX said that she would like to get together sometime later this week and spend some time with me. I said something like "yeah, we can figure out something to do."
I think it would be a mistake to turn her invite down as she's clearly pursuing a bit. What do you all think? Ideas on how to handle a get together with STBX?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I just wanted to tell you what a huge inspiration you have been. Ive been lurking and keeping up on your sitch for about a month.
Just wanted to say, keep up the good work. You have come such a long way. Good luck with your "get together"
T14 M5 SD15,D8,S6,D3 "Not Happy" 12/11/14 EA discovered 2/11/15 MC started 2/17/15 MC "put on hold" 4/3/15 W IC started 4/5/15 PA admitted 5/7/15 WW moves out 5/8/15 WW gets her own place 7/15/15
LIGHT conversation. Be an incredible listener, but no R talks!
Wear something new (clothes [including new SHOES -- chicks dig shoes!] AND a new cologne). Have somewhere you have to be after 75 minutes or so, and be the one to cut the lunch short. Give her a sliiightly lingering kiss on the cheek, tell her she looks amazing, and leave.
Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I'm definitely planning on keeping it lighthearted. I'm a little torn on the specific scheduling. With our schedules, I could do an extended lunch with work on Friday or I could meet her before I pick up the kids on Saturday afternoon. I also have Friday night available but I would kind of like to keep that open for GAL activities. I'd like to get whatever scheduled with STBX by Thursday evening.
Any thoughts?
Journaling: Work has been very manageable as of late. STBX called once after her shift to get some info from me so she could enroll the kids in the new school. She called a few hours later to tell me that the kids were officially enrolled. I could tell she was happy and excited so we enjoyed it together. I sincerely thanked her a couple of times for getting it all set up.
Did a little shopping at the mall on my lunch break. Pretty stoked to pick up two blazers for next to nothing.
Got home from work a little early. The kids and I threw a couple of steaks on the grill. S1 was exhausted so he passed out fairly quickly. Then, D4 and I did some workbooks together so that she keeps her studies up over the summer break. Right before D4 fell asleep, STBX called to say goodnight.
Just an all around good day. Tomorrow night I have band practice. Opened up a beer and picked up the guitar to make sure I remember how to play these songs.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
