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Hi Bright -- I've been away from the board for a while, but I wanted to post when I read your latest updates. Bright, I was separated for almost 2 years, with very little contact -- except his mail coming to the house -- for almost that entire time. (We changed nothing during that time though, kept joint bank accounts, etc., but lived separately, and he was with OW the entire time, and still is.) So, some similarities between our sitches. We even had a vacation home, too, which I had to give up. (He bought me out. I really miss it, but I plan to have my own little vacation home sometime in the future.)

I feel for you. I know what that waiting around feels like, and at times, it was pure torture. But when he finally did file for D, after almost no movement after 1.5 years, I was pretty stunned, and had to work really hard to come to terms with it, and then move out of the house we designed and built to live in together.

I moved about a month ago (and bought a house in the middle of the move!) and I just have to tell you -- I feel GREAT. I felt I had literally been relieved of a 20-ton weight on my shoulders. I had been carrying that around for SO long, I forgot what living free of that was like. I did not want the D, at all. But, now that I am free, I can live MY life, and I am actually...dare I say it...having FUN. I'm still sort of surprised by this! Even 6 months ago I would not have guessed I'd be as content as I am. But it's holding...that free feeling is hanging around, thank goodness. (Maybe a few promising dates have helped??!)

Bright, I think you are doing great, and you already have rebuilt most of your life without your H. You have already done most of the really hard work, dealing with the separation and creating your own life. It's already behind you. It sounds like you have a pretty good network of friends and family, and a nicely social work life.

I think Bright has loads of potential! I think you are approaching a point where you have to do something - ANYTHING - to make something happen. I felt that way about every few months, and so I just threw something out there to show the door was still open -- like Job has suggested. I think it's a great idea. The status quo is going nowhere, leaving you stuck. Get unstuck, Bright. Try something. You might be surprised how good it feels when there is SOME movement, in ANY direction. In my case, those things I threw out there didn't work, but I figure at least I tried everything I could think of, and I have no regrets with regard to how I conducted myself through those 2 years. You are frustrated, and understandably so. But YOU hold the key to changing it up. Give it a shot.

I wish you the best, and I hope things turn out the way you want them to. I'll post an update on my thread soon (even though I just kinda told you most of it!). :-D ((HUGS))

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