So reading this, something for you to ponder on as I have had to face this very thing myself.
Men and our emotions. From the time we are .. well boys .. we are programmed that showing those 'bad' emotions makes one weak .. .you even touched on it that someone who shows anger has a lack of self control. We are taugh those things from all the men in our lives, Fathers, frineds, their fathers, look around .. its everywhere ... men are not to have feelings.
Recently I had to write a letter, a very long letter ... and give it to my wife (she had to do the same). Her immediate reply "I had no idea you even had feelings" I looked at her with a WTF look, but realized ... I was never allowed to show them. Sure happy and good feelings are accepted, now ant then we build up to the point we might vent anget and thats is always considered bad .. but what about sadness ... a guy crying? Pffft my father would dig himself out of his grave to smack the crap out of me.
You touched on it .. made me realize how in a way us guys are handicapped ... not allowed to show hurt, let alone cry as we appear weak, not allow to yell as it appears we lost self control ... its not an easy spot for us dealing with all these feelings while our M's and family are crumbling around us.
So we do the best we can .. release in safe areas .. like here, hell I cried a few times alone in my car .. won't lie. There has to be a release.
I do see how you are looking within, that's where the growth is my friend .. stay there, it will get better once you discover how strong you truly are in all this.
