The only way to learn is to make mistakes. Just don't do the same thing twice!
Ha! Yeah. Good point.
Originally Posted By: Huddy
Yeah, Matt has nailed it. Just don't beg or plead or act needy.
I've stopped that... after it not working for days 1-4, I gave it up. Now we are almost to week 5 & mostly my mistakes are just not resisting saying something when I am feeling fired up about something. Like when he took off his ring & when he was purposefully hiding his messaging right next to me (& I ignored it for a good while, only said something b/c I felt guilty for acting out in response).
I just really feel like he will continue on at this pace until something changes. I just cannot quite figure out what I need to make that change be. As someone who spent a good portion of our relationship withdrawn, I really want my response to be something other than withdrawing into my own activities (I would go to book club, classes, etc... anything to have some fun as a way to withdraw from my critical husband). I have tried to start doing more with the kids in the evenings & having the attitude of- he can join us or not... but there is only so much we can do & so far he has joined in on everything! I stay at home so I am able to pursue my own interests at my leisure during the day (started some yoga, meditating, playing music, etc) & I am also back in school so I have school work.
So how do you GAL without withdrawing? If I leave the house & do things on my own in the evenings w/o the kids, then he will have the attitude of - "see, she hasn't changed. I knew she couldn't stick with it." as well as, "glad I get to spend alone time with the kids w/o her here reminding me how much I dislike her."
Suggestions?
Try not to measure your change by days, but rather in weeks. It feels like you're considering a scattershot approach without giving each thing a chance to "take effect". I recommend that whatever you do decide to do, to slow down and see if it is actually having an impact.
