I have found myself in the same situation as many

[25yearsmlc]

So I know that I have to try to gal


Ghost, I'm sorry you are here but it is the best place to be for a lousy reason.

I really do not believe you can heal or work on yourself OR reconcile, without detaching and that requires GAL.

They are all connected. So do not "try" to GAL, GAL for real.

And the next clause of your sentence "However..the thought of my wife.."


DOES NOT BELONG in the same sentence as you GAL. When you are GAL you are only focusing on the life you are creating for you. Keep the focus on YOURSELF b/c you are the only person you can control at all.

So lose the illusion of control over what your wife does or says or feels or thinks she feels. And work on yourself and your life.

GAL for real. In my opinion, GAL is SO important b/c it will help you detach and improve as a H and person over all, and you'll bring more to the table

and IF anything can re attract your wife back to you, it's becoming an interesting person and man who likes himself b/c he's a good man, and i promise you that she will Not be re attracted

by you wallowing in jealousy and wringing your hands with insecurity (which most spouses see as a tool of control).

The comment "I am jealous" can be read to mean

"I am insecure and thus, I must control my wife b/c if I don't keep trying to control her, I will lose her. (But you cannot control her and never could. It's an illusion).

This^^ is the core of so many marital dissolutions in my opinion. It is when our fears cause us to behave in ways that actually make our fears more likely to come true.

Ponder that^^, truly.


however the thoughts of my wife going out with other guys whilst she and I have separated is hurting me

How do people get past this ?


You first table the issue and DO NOT focus on that and in time,

and 2) as you GAL for real and place your focus only on yourself and your personal work

(to improve and become the best Ghost You can become) you will find more peace inside.

You will become the best man and father and partner that you can become.

And that will give you the best chance for a reconciliation. Put a STOP SIGN in your head when you think of her with a potential OM

and put the focus and concentration on YOUR LIFE and your issues.

Make sense?


I know I am a very jealous person ...I do not know why ...it is probably my own insecurity


You do know why. You just answered it above^^ and the desire to control her b/c you have so many fears, may well cause her to leave you and make those fears a reality.

When you operate in fear, you are Not operating in faith.

Throughout our 17 year marriage not once did my wife give me any reason to doubt her honesty and her commitment to me why do I feel so insecure ? How Can I get over this ?

Look inside and figure out what your contribution to the problems was and is.

Maybe you were not as good a partner as you could be and down deep you know it and then caused your insecurities to grow.

But it would have been healthier if you had owned whatever it is that you need to work on and improve, right/

I'd bet that your insecurities will decrease as you become the best You that you can become.

What do you think?

What do you want to work on, in you?