Newbie needing support and advice

[ep0215]

I read and re-read DR and have been practicing the steps and think I am seeing changes but need some reassurance so let me fill you in on my story...

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married 10 years on August 6th. A year ago he came to me and said he was unhappy in our marriage and wanted out, without going to any counseling, he did not want to work on our problems. He wouldn't even tell me what he felt the problems were. He took a day and came back and said he would go to counseling. We went to 1 session together and he stated he wanted to go by himself and not with me. He never made an appointment. It seemed that things were getting better since we were being more intimate (a lot) and spending more time together. My husband AVOIDS conflict all the time and keeps things to himself until the pot boils over. We do not fight, ever! I know now that is just as detrimental to the relationship. On April 6, the day after Easter, I found a text message on his phone from another woman. He had been having an emotional affair with her. We sat down to talk it out and he told me that he has hit rock bottom and needed counseling and space. I was hurt, of course, but told him that I too believed he needed to go to counseling and get help. 1 month later and I started in doing everything wrong, pursuing, crying, asking questions, etc. You name it! Everything in the don't column. He moved out May 6th. Told me on June 7th he wanted a divorce then I found out by being served papers out of the blue that he signed the divorce petition 5 days after he told me he wanted a divorce. I am just so shocked by the time table and how quick and sudden things turned on me. We have a 4 year old son together and time sharing has been a challenge.

I am struggling a bit with doing the 180 because after a lot of soul searching I know a big problem is that I do things with our son without him, because his work schedule is opposite of mine. He never wants to do things with us when we are free. So I question the GAL since that seems to make him more angry. GAL has really helped me get out of my funk and keeping busy definitely helps. Will it give him the impression that life will be good as a divorced couple? this is where I waffle.

I did write him a letter taking responsibility for my faults in the marriage and apologizing to him for not loving him the way he needed to be loved. I praised him for being there for us financially (that is important to him) and as a father. I stated that I wanted to be his friend even after the divorce in order to co-parent our son together and that I still wanted to be married to him. I validated his feelings of unhappiness. Since he read that on Wednesday things seem to have softened with him. He called me on Friday for no reason. First time he has called me in 2 months.

so....what do I do now? thanks for listening