This weekend I did a 180 on my "give to get" need!
H used to open every door for me, even my car door! I took this for granted. Sometimes he still does it and he hates that he does it out of habit; I can tell.
All along I am working on so much simultaneously: detachment, 180's and on advice of DB coach Love Languages. Basic civility is being restored. Slowly, ever so slowly. And with each change I am remembering the cool, self assured cat I once was, decades ago. What happened to that girl?!?
On Sat. H opened my car door for me and not accidentally, nor did he regret it afterwards. Seemed to be out of heavy fog this weekend. I was so shocked I did not say thank you. There was a time I would analyze my mistake. But I let it go! All I did was open his door before he came around the other way. Felt freeing!
Next time we came to the car, he did not open my door. And here's a biggie: I didn't read anything into it! I just opened his door once again before he came around. And most importantly I didn't treat him any differently for not opening my door. I didn't analzye, show disappointment, no change in body languuate, etc. I didn't care! And I know he read the difference. Changing the dance...
Next time it was time to go in the car, he opened my door me and this time I did say thank you and I opened his side!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
