Like a jigsaw puzzle

[Squiggy]

Update time again. Another great weekend. Friday night was pretty relaxed. Got S5 to bed after a while and then W and I watched some TV together. Saturday ended up being pretty busy. Went to Lowe's for the free building program S5 and I have been doing then a park. Afterwards, he went to a movie with his grandmother. W and I watched a little TV, took a 20 mile bike ride, and then I treated her to her favorite Mexican restaurant. Plenty of laughs and fun had between us. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off of me.

Sunday we met with my grandmother and aunt for brunch at S5's request. It went well, but I guess at one point my aunt told W that she had been angry at her, but she is forgiving her. It was too much for W. I ended up sending S5 with my mother and took W to a park to help her.

It was at the park that W told me what my aunt said. I told her that I had previously told my aunt to stay quiet and give it time and offered to talk with her, if that is what W wanted. She said I did not need to, and she just wants to not be reminded of the mistakes she's made. We then proceeded to talk...a lot. Several times she leaned in on me and let me hold her and rub her back. I think I'll make a list of points to make it easier to read.

1. She is sorry for what she did and wants to move beyond it. I reaffirmed that I do not want to constantly bring up the A, and it is only brought up in the context of how it changed things with people.
2. She feels she is a people-pleaser and cannot be herself up there (very important later on).
3. She is confused by not feeling butterflies in her stomach and is realizing that it an immature way to view love. I supported her thought and talked about infatuation and it's effect.
4. OM never did anything for her, like opening doors, listening to her, liking her for who she really is, etc. She always had to pay for herself, for example. She kept making excuses based on the infatuation for his actions. She said I always did those things for her and took care of her without her having to make excuses.
5. When she looks at all of her past relationships, there was always this anxiety about the guys leaving her, treating her poorly, etc. She never had to worry about that with me.
6. She asked why am I even taking the time to try and fix things with her after what's she's done and how could I forgive her. I said because it's her, and I knew, even in the worst times, that the woman I chose to marry was still under there.
7. She then said that the unconditional love I show her is amazing.
8. I tested the waters and asked if what she feels towards me could be described as warm and rosy. She said yes, and I responded that real love is like a long burning ember that stays burning with care and effort (she's seen me do that same thing while camping, so I used the visual for her). This is the part she is working on reconciling in her mind as what real love is.
9. We spoke about partnership and family being a good basis, and I reinforced that this is about returning to the marriage, even though being a family is a great starting point. This was me stepping towards her a few weeks ago.
10. She asked if MC would really help us, and I said yes. I also reminded her that it is part of my non-negotiables, because I want to make sure we do things the right way with support.
11. She fully agreed to Retrouaville.
12. We talked about finances, her job interviews, and the process of moving back.

She gave me a long hug after we talked.

Things I did well:
1. PMA
2. STFU and let her do most of the talking.
3. Validated like a champ and made sure to do active listening.
4. Stayed firm in my boundaries throughout.
5. Let her speak at her own pace and did not pressure.

Last thing, she stayed even later Sunday before leaving and offered to ask S5 if he wanted to stay with me until she is back Wednesday night. I responded as much as I would love it, he needs to be in school, even if for just a couple days. I got another tender hug from her, and her eyes were red as she got in the car. She sent me a message while on the road that our wedding song was on the radio...

She messaged me when she got back to the apartment to let me know they were safe. Then she kept messaging me for the next hour. I forgot to mention that it looks like her wedding and engagement rings were stolen from her apartment a couple weeks ago. Part of her messaging was her saying she really misses them. I ended the conversation to head to bed and also keep some detachment in place.