Need advice for a WW who left

[dwh15]

I'm brand new to the site, as I just discovered it yesterday. Here's my story. I'm 47 and my wife 42, together 24 years, married 18, with 4 boys, ages 8, 10, 15, and 18. The 15 year old is fully autistic, and the 10 year old is on the spectrum, they are calling it Asperger's Syndrome. Back in early March this year, I received a Facebook message from a guy who has been a mutual friend of me and wife for couple of years. He said he and WW had been having an affair for past 18 months and she just broke it off the week prior. When I confronted her, she admitted to it and we decided that a separation was the best idea.

My WW was supposed to be staying with a girlfriend during this time and basically went lights out for over 3 weeks. She would stop by for a few minutes every couple of days and occasionally call but for the most part I didn't hear from her. In early April, I she said we needed to talk so we met and she told me she had been seeing a new guy and had fallen in love and was moving in with him. This was a guy she had only met a few weeks earlier and had talked about to me before as a "friend" and a "big brother". She met him while still seeing the other guy and apparently the friendship developed into more. Neither of these guys is anything like me. The first guy was a jobless bum and looked like a hippy with long hair and had drug problems. The current guy is a member of a motorcycle club, long hair, go-tee, the typical biker look. He's making a whopping $10/hour at 48 years old. His place and where she is currently living is a double-wide trailer in some crappy little park, which was barely even furnished when she moved in. She has been buying used stuff to stock it up.

So fast forward a few months. Current situation is that she has been moved out since basically early March, the 4 kids all stay with me. Nobody has filed for D yet. Wife is supposed to take kids every Mon, Wed, and Fri, with the option for them to spend the night if they want. None of them ever do, except my youngest who has stayed maybe 5 or 6 times total. My 2 special needs boys rarely even go over. The other 2 will go and have dinner, visit for 3-4 hours and come home. I consulted with an attorney in April and after going through some custody situations, came up with a good idea of what I could expect to pay in child and spousal support after D. Based on that, I agreed to give my WW $900/month, which is a little less than where I will likely end up after filing. I have been doing that every month since May, hoping it would help with kids meals, keep her friendly, and foolishly hoping maybe she would snap out of her fog.

Obviously, the situation hasn't improved at all. And to make things worse, I got laid off from my job in mid June and currently unemployed. I did receive several weeks of severance pay so am temporarily making ends meet but I'm getting very nervous about money. Now in spite of all that has happened, I really do still love my WW and am hoping somehow we can still make the M work. So my question is: am I an idiot for giving her any financial support? She has become accustomed to it and will have a very hard time w/o my help. My family all says cut her off, as I'm under no legal obligation to do anything until one of us files for D and a temp court order for support is issued. If I don't give her money I know she's going to go nuts on me, possibly file herself. I don't know how to handle it. And would I be wise to go ahead and file myself or make her get an attorney and do it, if she's so determined?

After weeks of ups and downs, doing the pick-me dance, trying to be friends and hang out, etc I have finally settled into a bare min contact mode the past week and only discuss kids and money, text only. No calls or visits. Any suggestions appreciated.