Hi Gan, WFH today and just taking a little break. Interesting debate and a tricky area. Shirley Glass has views on this in her 'After the Affair' book. She suggests that very clear boundaries should be kept on friendships with people of the opposite gender. Absolute transparency. Is this person a 'friend' of the M? Has your S met them? and so on. So for me it isn't about ruling out those friendships, but being very clear on boundaries and standards for myself.
To me, if I start not telling my partner I met someone for coffee. If I start moaning about my R with them, or vice versa - these things are a line crossed. I've had my fingers burned of course. My H started 'lunching' with a group from work. They had a regular lunch club once a week. Mix of women and guys. That then morphed into lunch or after dinner drinks with one or more of the women and then that became an A. Those lines are so easy to cross I feel....
But I'm not commenting on your own choices just now. I'm not dating just now, but in our sitches - a year+ since BD - I don't have a problem with a little light dating. I just don't feel I'm ready for it, you know?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
