Hi RosaLinda, oh boy.....I don't even know what to write?
I'm on day 74 and I am struggling, I want to runaway, I want to hurt to stop, I want to stop crying, I want to be happy in my heart again.
I feel weak, I feel lost, I feel alone, I feel sad, I feel no good to anyone.
I'm having SUCH a hard time to GAL it's frustrating especially in our small small town.There is not much to offer here.
My situation with my H is not getting any better but not getting any worse either. We don't text, talk or see eachother unless it's financial & about our girls that is since June 20th. I have been able to completely disconnect from him emotionally. I completely follow the babysteps I have set for myself on June 23. I have completely let him & my girls & my surroundings make their own choices & decisions without impossing my opinion on them. The last time I saw him was almost 2 weeks ago and he didn't look like himself, he looked lost, he couldn't look at me at all, he looked at the ground when we talked with our daughters, there was long awkard pauses in the conversation we were all having about our daughter's college in Sept. he didn't seem interested or unconfortable. He left without hugging me. I was holding my tears the WHOLE time he was home. This past weekend was another hard one, he introduced his girlfriend to his family & one of our daughter ( only one wanted to go)....it crushed me. I hate that I have to share my daughters with her This week on July 15 would have been our 26y wedding anniversary..... Next week, I'm on vacation for one week, I have been asking to cancel it but my employer prefers not to, I need to keep busy and my work does that for me.... I cannot wait for all my FIRST to be done so I can enjoy some aspect of my life. As far as the male friend that I had met online, we still text but nothing else. He is a good distraction to me but I won't let it go any further because he has express recently that he would want more, so I am being careful. I do find that he is just a bandaid too for me, I want to feel wanted and right now is not a good time because I need to really find ME !!
That is my update, I pushing through it, I still see my 2 therapists, I still try to trust this process, but somedays I wonder if I would take him back with everything he is doing today, I know I don't have to decide on that today but I go back & forth on that sometimes. The old H I totally would but this new H---hell no !!
Oh boy this is hard. I need a time machine to fast forward time.
