Summer of Growth and Acceptance

[V2pt0]

Thanks for responding, Job.

I get your point about being vague. I was worried if I gave him time to deliberate before hand that it just gives him to prepare to manipulate me. I have also put up with four months of guessing what he is thinking and doing. I am just so tired of him controlling this whole situation. I actually felt like I stayed very calm in response to his texts and by only sending three back to his 15. I would probably have normally called him as well instead of ending the convo last night.

I just don't see the point of him living here if he is not going to engage at all. He comes and goes as he pleases, put no effort into our home, does not deal the dog, uses the groceries that I buy, has an A, and brings that person into our home, does not communicate with me at all. What to I get? He barely says two words to me for weeks (only if I bother to initiate a convo), blames his A on me, gaslights, does not ask me about what I have going on or show any interest in my life, and makes no attempt on working on M. Our home is just a place for him to sleep while he carries on his single life. I have a full time career, plus taking care of all of the household.

I know I have not been the perfect wife and I am working on the things I need to change for myself and moving forward. He acts like have have not given any affection or love over the last 10 years and maybe that truly is his perception. But I do think I have also given a great deal of good to our M/R and to him over 14 years. Including the love, encouragement, and support to earn three degrees to get where he is today. That was the majority of our marriage. So, it is making me a bit bitter to be treated like I don't even exist now all because I have called him out in the A and tried to set boundaries and I sent a text to his sister. It is just easy to start feeling a bit beat down a bit. This MLC stuff (censored)!

Everyone outside of here says I have the patience of a saint and have put up with more than I should have at this point. I consider myself a very strong person, but I am just not sure how much longer I can do this. I want a spouse to share my life with. I am just tired of the selfishness and entitlement and everything revolving around his needs. I have needs as well.

Sorry, I just needed to vent here. I will put some thoughts into how to relay my needs and post them in a bit. I think what got me going on the options was reading mleigh4's threads. She did something similar. I am just not sure I know how to have the convo with him. I perpetually feel frozen on how to take steps forward/interact with him.