Summer of Growth and Acceptance

[job]

I read your posting late last night concerning the text messaging back and forth and wanted to sleep on my response to your posting.

To your h, your message was vague concerning the marital/living status and the things that need to change. If you are wanting to give him some things to think about before meeting up w/you, then you should have listed them in the message and not left him hanging. No one wants to have meetings and not have some idea what it's about. No one wants to be blindsided. Be upfront and honest w/him about your concerns, not demands.

Emotions were running high w/these texts going back and forth. In order to have productive interactions w/him, you have to remain calm and collected and not step down and allow him to bait you into discussions that become emotionally charged and off the topic of what you need to discuss. Keep your focus on what you need to discuss and leave the emotions out of it.

You will need to lay out exactly what you want to present to him in the way of things that need to change. You do not want to come across as his "mother" or someone who is demanding that he do these things or else. You need to address them as concerns and why they are concerns to you. Give him examples to help him better understand. Ask him for suggestions on how to go about making the changes so that he feels like he's involved and you are listening to him as well. Sometimes, when we ask for their input, it lightens up the situation a bit and they are more willing to step up to the plate...but again, it's when you remain calm and collected and keep your voice on an even keel that this works best.

I will warn you of this...ultimatums do not work well w/them. He may very well say fine, I'll move out. They generally will take the road of least resistance. If that's his choice, are you ready for him to do so?