Really Random Ramblings

[tadpole1025]

Wow. I'll try to answer your questions. This could be a lengthy post.

What does successful GAL-ing look like to YOU?

Honestly, I'd be happy just getting out and socializing once or twice a week. ANYTHING right now would be an improvement. Before everything started, I had friends coming out of my ears, I could have any woman I wanted when walking into a bar. (I'm not bragging. It's just the way it was because of who I was and what I did for a living.) Of course, I never acted on it because I'm not one to cheat and it just wasn't worth losing what I had at home. I was the life of the party. When this all began, I kind of went into a self-imposed exile. I fell off the planet. Now, I socialize with nobody outside of work. I still have some radio friends, but I rarely talk to them.

How many friends do you feel would help you get your needs met? How many events or interactions with others do you need to feel successful socially? Start with a defined goal that works for you.

Again, just once a week would be a start. I'm not looking for a miracle. I just need something. Anything.

What stopped you from stepping out of the door?

I'm not really sure. I just never went. I don't even remember if I made a decision not to go...it just didn't happen.

This board is designed to help people dealing with the MLC of a loved one. There is stellar advice on handling MLC. It's not, however, designed to help someone with undiagnosed Asperger's, Autism, chronic depression, general anxiety disorder, panic attacks, etc... Posters who mean well and want nothing but the best for you, may give you the wrong impression that you simply need to try harder which will give you the impression that you are failing... when, in reality, there is something going in your inner workings which is causing you to get stopped up.

Yeah, even though this all started with XW's MLC, I've been wondering if I should even post here anymore. I've basically gone back to how I was when I was a kid....a shy, non confident loner. I went from one extreme to the other: A shy non confident loner to being a locally famous celebrity back to being a shy non confident loner.

What kept you from walking out to the pool? Was it anxiety? Were you feeding yourself negative messages? Were you overwhelmed by the pressure you put on yourself? People generally avoid things because they have had consistent bad experiences in the past. Did you set yourself up to fail before you even started? Did your brain get overloaded in some way?

I' not sure. I think I put too much pressure on myself because by the time I got around to going, it didn't feel like something that I wanted to do. It felt more like a chore: something that I HAD to do.

Did you know there is a group online called Rat Assistance and Teaching Society?

Yeah. I haven't checked it out yet though. I've been trying to stay away from that sort of thing because of the way I am towards animals these days. That is probably the weirdest thing of all since this all started. I'm different towards them: more love and compassion for all animals. I was NEVER an animal person before. Just last week, there was a little dove on my lawn. He was learning to fly, but hadn't mastered it yet. He could get his wings going a little bit, but not enough to get him back into the tree. I thought about helping it, but didn't because I didn't want to interfere. I thought it would be better that way. He eventually made it back into the tree, but....I spent two days worrying about him.

As for rats, I want to get a couple more, but I haven't yet and am not sure if I will, just because I get too attached to them. They have very short lifespans. I'm done with death. It is so sad when they get old.

Overall, I'm not really sad these days with a few exceptions. I'm more upset about my little rats than anything else.

Well, the post wasn't as long as I thought. Wanted to write a lot more, but maybe another time. I'm tired.

My S22 has a show this weekend. That's something. Atleast I'll get out then.

Tad