Just checking in. I've been reading others' stories in this forum in the meantime-- sympathizing with others' sad experiences and being at least relieved that I seem to be through the worst of it. The date I mentioned before, being teenager-like on the beach, has developed into "something more", and that's been a pleasure as well as a relief.
I'm feeling a little too chipper, though. I just today heard from a friend who moved to another state some while ago; she was just saying hello. This friend is someone who went to elementary school with my STBX. I asked how she's been, and she told me about two deaths she'd just had to deal with, plus a terrible accident that hospitalized her for a while. She asked how I've been, and I wrote back that "the biggest change is that [STBX] wouldn't give up her affair, so I divorced her." Of course, I can hear my tone of voice when I write that, so I know it's almost a joking statement, but I imagine for her it would've been quite startling, if not incredibly awkward, to hear such news broken so glibly. I wrote her an apology for being so ill-mannered, but I haven't heard back from her yet. Sigh. And I was having such a good day.
A big part of what's got me so chipper, though, is that in relating to my... well, I guess I would say my "new girlfriend" (I believe she'd agree to that appellation)... I'm quickly realizing just how much $*&% I tolerated from my STBX. I was committed to my STBX, which meant that I was absolutely committed to dealing with her flaws and issues, and I'm just starting to understand how that turned around on me without my realizing it. That is, in dealing with her neuroses and issues, I'd lost sight of my own understanding of normalcy, but I never stopped behaving in ways that I felt were normal-- and I was upbraided and berated (and ultimately abandoned) for it. It's not unreasonable of me to not want to spend every waking moment in communication with my partner. It's not unreasonable of me to expect my partner to enjoy being touched. Which means that I'm experiencing tremendous relief when, in relating to my now-girlfriend, she is responding to what I believe to be normal behavior as though it were, in fact, normal behavior, instead of withdrawing, scolding, complaining, attacking, or shutting down. I mean, I recognize that she and I are still in the honeymoon phase, where we are supremely accommodating of each other's potential flaws and undesirable aspects, but this isn't just her overlooking certain of my behaviors that STBX decried. This is her encouraging and inviting them. And that's marvelous.
