Thank you, everyone for your support. I am doing really well with GAL. Did have a big slip up yesterday with STFU but it seems to have worked out ok. My mind was wandering a lot, because H hadn't called, and then when he finally did I broke down. He claims he is "trying" to work on the marriage, but doesn't speak to me. I told him that there is too much space and too much quiet in our marriage and I need communication. I said even if it is just to tell me that he needs a quiet day, or he needs more space, just communicate that to me and I will respect that. He always says we are not friends, but if we are to become friends we need to communicate. And whether we stay together or D we need to be friends enough to co-parent the kids.
He said he is taking the time while I am away with the kids to enjoy the quiet, to work on the house because that makes him feel like he is taking care of the family in his way, and he needs the quiet and space right now. I thanked him and told him that made me understand him better and where he is emotionally. And it really did make me feel better. Because my mind was racing, that maybe he is out with his gf, or packing up his stuff and moving out, or in a lawyers office, how am I supposed to know when he doesn't speak to me at all? Anyway, back to STFU for me, and learning how to be less emotional when I do speak. I never realized how emotional I actually am, but now that I am so obsessed with self improvement and my R I am seeing it. Have to work on that detachment. With the kids too, this sibling squabbling is killing me, and reacting to them is not helpful. I am learning, hope its not too late. But I had a GREAT weekend and my kids are having an amazing summer. Life is good, even when its not all good.
