[job]

Bright,
I am actually hesitant to come here to post to you after your response to Bea's posting. However, not all of the advice and support that you get on your threads is going to be to your liking, but we are ALL trying to support you the best way that we can. As I suggest to many who get upset w/the responses to their posts, read the postings and take from them what you can apply to your situation.

When you come here and post about the mail and yes, those Playboy magazines, the impression that many of us probably get is that you are tired of gathering up and forwarding his mail to him. So, what do we suggest? We suggest that a change of address be put in for him if this mail situation is a thorn in your side. If receiving the mail and then forwarding it on to him is an aggravation and a painful reminder to you, then do something different. When you've had enough of the mail situation, you will do something about it.

Let's discuss the connections w/your h. You still have the business and rental home connections, which to me are far more important because you do have more interactions w/him on those things. These are strong ties that you have w/him and unless something changes, they will continue on as they have been. I find it interesting that you don't complain about them as much as you do the mail. Why is that? Is it because the mail is an every day reminder of him being gone?

There is no way to predict whether your situation is hopeless or not because no one truly knows what the future holds. It's okay to have hope, but that doesn't mean that you remain still. You have to continue moving forward. No one on the forum is saying forget about your H, but we are advising you to carve out a life for yourself and put your focus on yourself and your son. Why? Because no one can predict the future and no one wants to see you remain still. Life goes on and life is far too short to remain still. We want you to be a success and what if he doesn't return? You will have a stronger footing to handle that situation if it were to happen because you continued on w/your life. If he returns, that would be wonderful, but he will also find a stronger, more independent and happier woman that would be more than willing to share her life w/him once again because you went on to meet the challenges of life. Letting things go doesn't mean it's the end and that you are forgetting about him, but it means that you are moving on w/your life and living it to the fullest.

Now, I do want to touch on your last paragraph about support and validation from your friends and family. Bright, they want to see you happy and do not want to see you hurting. They want to see you move forward, live life and find happiness once again. Happiness doesn't mean a new man in your life, but the joy of living and experiencing new things. If you talk to them about your H and the things he does all of the time then I can understand why they feel the way that they do. It hurts to know that you can't open yourself up to them to talk about it, but after a while, especially when they see that it consumes your thoughts, they want to see the pain end. Whether you pretend around them or not, they know you well enough to know how you truly are. If they tell you to move on, you can nicely tell them that when you are ready, you will, but until then I will continue as I have been w/my marriage.

Bright, you have been a member of this forum longer enough to know that no one wants to see you hurting. We all want to see you thrive and be happy w/life and yourself. However, there will come a time when you will need to make some decisions about what is best for Bright, be it accommodating your spouse while he is off playing in the field of La La or whether you've had enough and begin to do things differently when it comes to accommodating his needs. But, the bottom line is this...we listen, we advise on what we read here and when we begin to see patterns, we suggest doing something different. Again, as I pointed out in the first paragraph, read the posts and take from them what you can use.

You, and only you, can decide when you've had enough.