Tlee, I'm sorry for all of this. I agree with V that it would be a good idea to have a consult with a L now and understand your rights going forward. Your W isn't at a point that she wants to return to the R just now. That could change at some point in the future - time will tell. And the fact that she is mentioning D doesn't necessarily mean it is all over. Many sitches here reach that stage and then turn.
You are not powerless here, and there are things you can do to influence your sitch. My biggest concern for you right now is your own wellbeing, support network and your degree of attachment to your W. Apart from getting yourself some legal advice, I think you should have a think about how you can better look after yourself, build a better support network and stop linking your own future happiness to what your W is doing.
I think that is the best way to pull yourself up out of the hole. If you remain as attached to your W and your hope of R, I worry that you will get pulled under again. Have you had a really good look at the 37 rules again? You know that you may have done and said things that weren't DBing. What do you think they are and how can you avoid doing them again? Next time your W gets in touch, maybe post here and get some advice before you reply. And remember that above all, DBing is an approach to save yourself - and you may just save your M in the process - but saving your M is secondary to saving yourself.
TBH, I still think your W is conflicted. She is posting pics of her in a bikini, but she's with someone else, but he can't really support her and she was thinking of leaving....truly she isn't in a great place. But you really need to detach from this. What she is doing needn't be your life. I'm keen to see who 'single Tlee' can be. What does he enjoy doing? Who are his friends? What makes him laugh, brings him joy? Who does he confide in? Share his troubles with? These are the things to look at just now. All are independent of W and all are about you. I'm not saying you will be single for ever, but you are just now, and may be for a little while yet. And if you can find joy, meaning and peace in your life now - despite present challenges - you will be in a better place for moving forward whichever way.
Probably you need to grieve some first. Not because things are over, but because things are sad and tough just now. But please then post about how you are going to move forward to a better place from this. We are all here and will help you - you are not alone my friend. xx
Last edited by Toots; 07/12/1508:47 AM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
