Emotions, some never know what emotions are and where they are different, they function well in the world because they can deal with them. I can not remember if I had full knowledge at 45 either. It doesn't matter the key factor is awareness today. I sense that U likes to understand and develop his knowledge. I am glad that you are considering the questions carefully. I decided that was a good way for me to respond on your thread with you. You can always say less V, I will understand. RD performed this role for me, triggering me to dig deeper, I love him dearly for that care and concern for my well being.
I am pleased you took action on the guns.
Anger is the healthy part in your response and I believe the tool to release your resentment. It's a sign that boundaries are infringed, but useful if you know which boundaries!
Resentment, that is tough nut to crack especially if left to ferment into a steaming pile.. This is obviously a new key area for you to discuss with your IC.
When I reach anger as my boundaries were infringed I did a number of things including taking action. I ranted by writing it down, made lists of my boundaries and it's infringements by WH. Then in discussion with my IC, I précis the points. At an appropriate moment and whilst I had distance, I text WH, I will not be abused, then the text on issues was sent. That broke the back of the resentment whilst keeping me safe. It could be that writing it down is all you need, my IC felt I needed to release to get closure so I did as she suggested and used text. With others in my life I talk about the infringement, (12 steps have a process for it called HALT, hungry, angry, lonely tired.)
Then I undertook intense exercise (boot camp) for one month to burn out the adrenalin.
Each of us has their own way to process and some work better than others in our sitch. Worst of all is resentment towards ourselves, it can even kill us if it's not processed. I find anger one of my best friends, it tells me something is wrong and I need to act. I usually deal with things as they arise these days, a turning point so that my resentment does not 'layer', there were many times I let the resentment ferment then I turned it inwards. Not recommended and very destructive.
Just a thought on friends, I find that friends fall into clear types, those who clearly support you, already in your inner circle and see your sitch, the efforts you make and are 100% concerned for you, often they come unexpectedly and from odd places. Zelda has just been surprised by a friend called O on her thread. For me CF (casual friend) was a surprise as she was one of WH POWs, in his eyes anyway. Then there are new friends, useful as they see us as we are now and have no links to our past. Then there are GAL friends, just to go out and do things with.
Shared friends are tough and in many ways we have to let them decide in which group they wish to fall. It's actually their decision so if they invite you then go along if you feel comfortable, as you say you need not mix for a long period. By going you are saying I am open to connection. Plus they are then relieved that they can be friendly with you if they chose it.
Dawn is still close to her WH family, Toots has connections too, and Joe loves his stepchildren dearly and writes with enormous affection. RD and SIL have a common concern for his WW. I tried not to compete for friends with WH, in fact I didn't have to, as WH has behaved very badly towards them too. Lies and manipulation cause trouble in friendships. WH has few friends in his camp which saddens me as then he will lack the feedback he needs to change. Expect surprises pleasant and unpleasant in my view.
You are doing well, I for one am relieved to see some anger from U!
Peace
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
