TLEE86 Part IV

[TLEE86]

She texted back.

W: "There's nothing that needs to be discussed. I don't think you're the bad guy, I don't hate you. I don't think you didnt try these past 10months or do everything you thought you could. I Just reached my point a long time ago. I decided I wasn't going to be hurt by you last summer and unfortunately you tried to change that but it couldn't be changed."

Me (Paraphrased): " Through everything W, if there one thing you can take away from this is that I loved you and love you...that I'll always be there for you married or divorced..that i just have a hard time understanding what happened because the day I left for Ranger School, these aren't the emotions we and for each other..quite the opposite.."

W: "It's not that I decided THIS when you left, its that I was too hurt to go on anymore and unfortunately the pain won."

Me: "I will never understand the pain or emotions you felt when I was gone, as hard as I have tried. Pain is present in every marriage. Its what we choose to do with that pain that makes marriage last or fail. I am hurt too W, more than I have ever been. But I am choosing to fight for our M because I still believe in it. That you could be doing whatever you're doing and I still believe we can work through it because I love you. You're right, I wasn't there to take away your pain and loneliness, when I was gone. And I'll never forgive myself for not being there."
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I probably did and said all the wrong things. But I cant change that now. She still thinks every thing is because she felt wronged and that there's too much to overcome. When in reality, what really happened was..she felt lonely, she got angry because of things said and done to her in the past, and someone else was there when I wasn't.

While we were texting, she decides to post a picture of her in a bikini or something smiling. She doesnt give a [censored]. She just doesnt [censored] care. There's nothing left for me to say. Im utterly and completely broken. And I have no where left to turn.

I was alone when when she dropped the bomb on me initially, and I'm alone now that were getting a D. I guess this is just life.