She was acting like what I have read, and said ILYBINILWY, had a man over to our house while me and twins were sleeping, said she was romantically talking to someone, acting selfish, irresponsible actions, threatening to leave if I didn't let her do what she wanted when she wanted and not ask questions about money, where she was at, when I had to go to work and no one was here with twins, would get dialed by her phone and hear her talking. Rebelling, saying you aren't my father, saying I hate you and then being nice and sweet a while later. Locking her phone and computer, when she never had before, and had always been open with them to each other, Never let it out of her sight, constantly checking it, blocked me from Facebook.
Was this behavior before she learned of your EA?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well IDK, I have read some experiences where the H's A seemed to have pushed the W into wayward behavior, as if a reaction to his actions. I am not a expert, but I believe something was already building a foundation in her heart. For example, if she already had a lot of resentment and disrespect for you, especially over the first EA, then learning of this EA could have sent her into a rebellious reaction.
I think you need to give her all the space possible. Do nothing to push for a R with her. She will see everything as emotional pressure as long as she is angry at you. It will be a long time before she will be emotionally ready to take you back. Frankly, I think she'll set out to punish you.
You need to think long and hard about living in the basement of your home. That places you very close to seeing too much of her personal activities. I think your best bet is to stay completely out of her way. Go on about your life and work to improve yourself......not to get her back, but to be a better man.
She wants to return to her home.......not you. She misses her family being home and her normal routine/life. She is being nicer b/c she wants you to agree with her conditions. She is not accepting you back into her arms. Know the difference and don't enter this blindly.
Last edited by sandi2; 07/11/1508:10 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She hasnt done anything to try to punish me or hurt me as of yet. Reaction to my reaction before, but there has not been any anger or arguing, lots of talking and back and forth and asking questions.she told me even her lawyer recommended against it and she is still wanting to do it. Said that she was going to come home tonight and wait a couple weeks to move the rest of the stuff back home. She just wanted me to move the couch into there, she didnt want the bed, she had accused me earlier during the separation of having women over the entire time she was gone. She didnt want to sleep on the bed thinking of that, had already moved it and made it, since there really isnt room for king size in basement.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
There was resentment from the first one. She talked to ow on the phone and it waa over. Never made contact again or thought of her again. We should have went to counseling and me to therapy the. We worked it out. She said she could never let go of it or get past it,she could never reconcile with herself for giving me a second chance. When she would never give anyone a second chance. She said she was so in love with me that she did, and forgave me, but the resentment was eating her for years, and she told me she was thinking about divorcing me before she got pregnant, then thought the twins woulf save everything because they were our dream of having children of our own, we tried for 8 years, then finally found out on her 35 birthday that she was pregnant.
She was institutionalized at 7 months, she broke down at the doctors office during a visit and either I took her for intake, or they would send her in ambulance with police escort.
She was in and out in 4 days, with out patient therapy, stopped going because therapist told her to let things go and she couldnt. She did the same thing at our mc appointment. She told her to let things go and walked out and said there is no need for further appointments.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
I was the one that suggested moving to the basement and having her be in the master bedroom as I am the one who was cheating.there was no anger or upset at all today or the last week while we have been talking, I only offered her to m9ve back in thursday,have been consulting with IC, on ways to rebuild trust after affair. This one of many suggestions. She started crying and seemed very surprised when I suggested all this.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
She hasnt done anything to try to punish me or hurt me as of yet. Reaction to my reaction before, but there has not been any anger or arguing, lots of talking and back and forth and asking questions.she told me even her lawyer recommended against it and she is still wanting to do it. Said that she was going to come home tonight and wait a couple weeks to move the rest of the stuff back home. She just wanted me to move the couch into there, she didnt want the bed, she had accused me earlier during the separation of having women over the entire time she was gone. She didnt want to sleep on the bed thinking of that,
Just so I'm clear, she does not want to sleep in the marital bed, b/c she thinks you cheated on her, in it, correct?
If that is not true, if the marital bed is still something only slept in by you two, tell her that. (Especially if she has back pain).
But seriously, don't let that piece get swept up with the rest. I think it's important to her to know that not everything inside the marriage has been spoiled). That the bed is still "clean", etc.
Make sense?
had already moved it and made it, since there really isnt room for king size in basement.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
