Well, I lost it at Mass tonight. I was praying very hard over this whole situation, and for my W... and I just got this overwhelming feeling that this is exactly what I'm being called to do right now. She has a heart of stone, she's mired in darkness and sin - and the Lord is sending me to break that heart and pull her out of that sin, not by force, but through prayer. I don't know how things will play out or if her heart will ever be open to these graces, but I'm called to love her right now through my prayers.
I thought about how hard that is, to love this way, from afar, through such pain and sacrifice, while the OW gets the "cheap" but much more attractive version of her right now - all the attention, the affection, the fun. I have to keep reminding myself that what they have right now cannot last, and that the love I have for her is the real deal. Whether she ever wakes up and sees this or not, that's what it is, and this is what I'm called to do.
That lighthouse story is so spot on.
Going to open a bottle of wine and start dinner, maybe watch a movie with my boy. I really feel the ache tonight of not being able to do all this with her, and knowing she's likely doing similar things with someone else...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
