Evening went well. There has still been no talk about any specifics about why she left or what the future holds. Halfway through dinner, I realized that I might be pursuing. A light switch just went off in my head and I pulled way back. I'll be honest I was angry. Things she was doing and saying just were irritating me to the core. She was on her phone most of the evening. She was talking about getting back on birth control. I would ask a straight question and she would respond, "I don't know." I pulled out the phone and started texting in front of her. Avoided eye contact. Gave vague, short answers. Asked for the check and we left. Not to mention dinner cost me $85.
When we got in the car, I turned the music up and sped home. I even turned to her and said, "Do you even want to get together once a week? It is up to you." She got all upset and demanded that we continue to meet once a week. Ugh, then we got stuck in traffic for an hour. So awkward. I stopped for her at Walgreens to pick up her new prescription for Lexapro. I am happy she is getting on that because she very much needed it for anxiety.
It was past 11 pm once we got to our house. She picked up the male dog. She wanted to take one of our girls instead but I would not let her. Every time we depart one of these dates, she stands there awkwardly making small talk before she leaves. She tries to stand there and get the courage to make physical contact. This time, she pulled me in for a hug and a kiss on the lips. On the way out, she was telling me when she wanted to get together next week. She accidently let out, "Okay. I love you." Then she quickly scrambled after realizing what she had said. She tried to correct herself and said she directed it at the dogs. I laughed at her and she told me "but I do love you". I didn't say anything. She left after that.
She texted me after she got home saying that she had gotten there safe. She reported what a "good and fun time" she had. Said sweet dreams and that was it.
I'm not sure how I feel after that meeting. I know one thing though, I am going to detach and go dark where the sun can't even find me for awhile.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
She is behaving like a very silly teenager, and if you don't act like the adult here, things will continue on this merry-go-round.
Why are you mickiming her actions? She's on her phone and being rude to the one who is paying for an expensive dinner, so you start on with your phone? It would have been better to just called for the check and took her back to wherever she's staying.
The worse part was asking her if she even wanted to meet once a week. Why in heaven's name did you do that when you had been told that wasn't what you should do?
Quote:
I know one thing though, I am going to detach and go dark where the sun can't even find me for awhile
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You can't go dark and date her, too.
Last edited by sandi2; 07/11/1505:39 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I was hoping I would get an answer like "You know your right. I don't think this is a good idea anymore." I was hoping one of us could man up and say it. Definitely no more dinner dates though. These will strictly be visitation for the animals.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
In reading that account, I have no idea if you actually want to stay married, I get that you don't like what she's doing, but I don't see how any of your actions are helping your cause.
I want more then anything to stay married to her. I want my life to go back to the way it was. I am having such a difficult time getting past what she did. There is still the strong possibility that she is having an affair. She is giving no answers or insight. I am really just in limbo.
She is sending me mixed signals. She continues to move stuff out of the house, bring me stuff she accidentally took, and asks to take more stuff. On the other hand, she is going on dates with me, initiating physical contact, and telling me she loves me. My thoughts are a mess. I think we can all say that we have had moments of weakness and didn't follow the DB rules at one time or another. I am definitely guilty of that. Today, marks one month since she moved out.
I am ending the dating now. I have cut off contact for the time being. I don't like being manipulated, which I feel like a puppet right now in some unknown game.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Now that I think more about it. I wanted the dating for a chance to show her I was different to show her my 180's. I wanted to show her I could be a fun and enjoyable person again. One of her criticisms of me was that I had become a homebody and didn't go out like we used to. Our relationship had become stale. I wanted to get dressed up and look nice and take her to nice dinners, show off my weight loss work.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
I think following the 37 rules is the best route, at least until an A has been confirmed. If you will stop chasing her and keep your focus on improving yourself and your life, I think you'll find her pursuing you.
Many men are so focused on winning back the girl that he doesn't deal with what she's done until after they are back together. Then it starts eating at him. He has a difficult time getting past it, and some even become a WAH. It is best to deal with it before putting all your thought and energy into just getting her back.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Now that I think more about it. I wanted the dating for a chance to show her I was different to show her my 180's. I wanted to show her I could be a fun and enjoyable person again. One of her criticisms of me was that I had become a homebody and didn't go out like we used to. Our relationship had become stale. I wanted to get dressed up and look nice and take her to nice dinners, show off my weight loss work.
But did you even do that? Reread your account of the night. Did you really show the person you want to be?
In my opinion, it's too soon to start with that. Why show her a "work in progress" when you could wait a few months and REALLY show off? As I've written before you can't see grass grow or paint dry if you watch it. But if you're gone for a month, you'll notice, right?
You are right Sandi. I have put a halt to all dating notions. If I don't deal with these problems prior to getting back together, it will consume me. It is already doing a pretty good job of that. We have not spoken since Friday.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Thanks Matt. I am not proud of my actions in hindsight. I think I am trying to move too quickly with my eye on the end prize. I will put any dating ideas on hold.
No real news to report. I found out from her sister's fiancee that she has been hitting the club scene pretty hard. That really didn't bother me because I know what comes along with her trying to live the single life, I "deprived her" of. They also suspect she is seeing another man but have no proof. He suggested I hire a private detective but I don't plan on going that route right now. I will probably get answers I don't want to hear and it will be expensive, as well as a violation of her privacy.
I also found out some interesting information from a friend of mine who has a mutual friend of my wife. It kind of shed some light on the situation. My wife was basically egged on to leave me by this woman who is almost 50 and thinks she is 22. She has been described by several people as "toxic". She has succeeded in getting several women to leave their husband to join her in the single life to make herself feel better. My wife has had several falling outs with this woman but they reconnected a little more then a month before she left. This woman also left her husband over a year ago. My wife's family encouraged her over a year ago to stay away from this woman, which she had done until recently.
I found a post she had put on my wife's FB wall toward the end of April. It said "Once you have true feelings for someone, it will always be there. You may not like them anymore, but you still care." The headline of the post said "Weren't we just discussing this? Lol Luv u" My wife responded, "You are absolutely right in that this relates to friendships as well! Sometimes we have to just let people go!" I connected the dots after I found out my wife moved half of our furniture into this woman's home.
I know I can't talk to my wife about this woman because this woman is propping her up in her new single life. It will just piss her off. I haven't spoken to my wife since our Friday date. I am doing well on that front. I am now wondering if she will even contact me about our weekly get together. She had said either Wednesday or Friday. I am not going to text her if she doesn't, which I suspect she won't. I am okay with that though because I have made plans this week on several different days with friends, which will probably conflict with that anyway.
I seem to be dreaming daily about my wife. It usually involves me finding out she is with another man and I beat the crap out of the guy. Ugh, she is even haunting me in my dreams now.
Last edited by shnswms; 07/14/1511:32 AM.
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
