Uncertain and vexing times - must stay on DB point

[sandi2]

Sorry, I sent a post to your last thread, so I'll copy it here.

Quote:
Sorry, this might be a bit of a hijack, so I apologize in advance, but it does relate to T. Sandi, I am curious about your stance on the friendship aspect. I know that many of us on here getting DB coaching are being told by our coaches that we should be trying to start by building friendships even with WS' with active A or who are treating us with other forms of disrespect. I have received that advice and have read other LBS thread also receiving this advice. I know everyone on here respects your opinion, so it would be nice to hear your thoughts on the DB advice. I might be missing something. This is something I have been conflicted about with the coaching. It seems often opposite of what we hear from vets on here. Maybe it is one particular coach??

I don't know if it is one particular coach, or not. I try to respect the DB coaches by not arguing my point verses their advice. This subject has come up in another thread, and it is very difficult to say silent on this particular piece of advice, if there is a wayward spouse involved. Especially if it is a wayward woman, b/c of how they are wired.......which is different from men. The makeup of a wayward wife goes so that she will either be the LBH'S friend or spouse......but not both. If he demotes himself from his position of husband to settle for being just her friend, she will not respect him as being a man she wants for her H. One reason is b/c he is putting his stamp of approval on her having an A and putting them into an open M. He is putting his stamp of approval on how disrespectful she has been to him and their M, and what she's doing to their kids. I guarantee you that a wayward woman who is full of rebellion, resentment, and disrespect will not be attracted to a man who will lick up her crumbs while she is screwing another guy! He has to get her RESPECT first. Not her friendship!

Even if he goes the route of friendship and her A fizzles out, and she goes back to the M. He will soon find out in their bed just how little she desires him to be her lover. She will keep him, sexually, at a friend's distance. That is my message to the LBH. You cannot be her BFF while she's disrespecting you and think she's going to be hot for you later.

There is a time when the H can once again become her friend. I'm not saying he can never be friends with her. I am saying he can't afford to be friends while she is betraying him and having an affair.

P.S. Don't confuse being friends with the act of friendliness.