This is an amazing place, full of beauty and joy. Today was spent just driving around, no agenda, no time tables, just relaxing. I am grateful and humbled to spend time here.
I was reminded again how beautiful life is and how much I want to be a part of it. It struck me that life is non stop and aways changing and mixing and combining, it's part of the beauty. It's poignant but truthfull.
Did I mention to the board how great my family is? They arranged this trip for me and kids to get my spirits up. I am so grateful for my family. How can I thank them for this?
I realized that nothing good can come from an angry and bitter heart. For so long I was consumed with anger and I chose to be stuck and isolated and filled with self pity. Such a waste but maybe it was necessary to go through those emotions to come out on the other side.
Out of the blue, W sent a text photo of a car to S9 - text read "for S9". I showed it to him and he liked it. I texted a photo of the kids and she replied "Hi Kids". I left it at that.
Now it's off to the pool and then a magic show! Fun for kids and me too.
You're welcome Heavy, have fun, and God Bless you.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hey heavy - cherish this time with the kids - have fun/relax - you deserve this so much.
the kids will remember the good times of this trip forever. Mine still bring up past trips that we took years ago. (and I think W will remember not being there too - some of my most down times in my marriage is when I missed trips with the kids)
But anyway - ENJOY! God Bless
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
W texts me and asks how kids are and when a good time to call them would be. I sent her a few photo texts of them and replied "what time works best for you?" so we worked out a time for them to talk when we all get back to the hotel.
Still any texts are not addressed to me - only a nameless person. It's like I have been erased as a human. I don't let it bother me anymore. Funny how she is so angry with me and she is having the A and left. She is so entitled to her A and her behaviors. I ignore her petulance.
Post card is going out tonight from kids only. Aquarium was awesome! We loved it!!
It is one of those odd little painful things how their communication slowly (or not so slowly) loses those little touches of humanity. From signing it Love, and using honey or some other term of endearment, to just putting her initial at the end of the message, to nothing but message. And it took a long time to get comfortable matching that detachment in my messages. Still usually throw my initial in at the end of a message, but I have to remember at times not to put a "Love" or some other sign of affection. Then you start wondering if they find it easy to do, or if they are having to work at it like you are.
Don't let it get to you, as you will miss out on the joy of having so much time with the kids. Refuse to let her actions rain on your parade at such times!
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
So true Asitis - any touch of humanity or familiar is gone - all comunicaton is impersonal, no names, no saltations, no sign off - just the message.
While at the beach I talked to a bunch of folks that I had no idea who they were. Just talked and it felt good to talk. We didn't talk about anything deep just laughing and enjoying the beautiful evening. I actually caught myself smiling several times which was a really nice feeling.
I caught myself feeling good and grounded as I sat on the beach watching my children play in the surf. My D6 is tanning up and my S9 is becoming a preteen in front of my eyes. My S9 told me he wants to come back here every year. I said "you bet bud, I will work on that.
It was a good day. I am sorry that my W chooses not to be a part of this anymore. It must be painful for her and I am trying to empathetic about that.
Heavy, really glad to hear things are going so well for you out there. Sounds like the perfect place for you to enjoy time with your kids and do some healing.
Interesting to note the discussion here about terms of endearment. My W, who has always called me "babe" or "hon," began to go out of her way to call me by name after the BD, although at least half the time endearments slipped out. A few weeks ago, after things had gotten particularly heated and I believe the OW was very involved with coaching her on how to approach me, all terms of endearment ceased. But this week, after a softened approach and some prayer and various seeds planted, she'd gone back to using those terms with me effortlessly. Her tone shifted back to something more detached yesterday afternoon, though, as she was planning to pack and get ready for her weekend with the OW.
So, my conflicted W has to work at it. Yours seems to have crossed the line into permanent coldness a long time ago - which I know is painful, but at least it's consistent? As opposed to me, you seem to really know who you're dealing with in her. So hopeful that this time away is the beginning of a whole new and happy life for you!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Yes, you seem to be right, a permenant state of coldness now exisits between us. It is sad business but it is reality at this point. Will it last forever? I don't know. The baffling part is that she got her wish and she is so cold towards me.
It is like psycological warfare. All I can do is be detached and not let her affect me anymore. I have updated her cotact to "Detach" which shows up on my screen when she texts or calls. Lol!
We are having a wonderful time here but again. I am focusing on ensuring the kids and my family have a good time and enjoy each other's company. We have a few more days left and then it's back to the grind. I have so much to do at work it's not even funny. I have to start focusing more on my work. I am afraid it has suffered due to this turmoil and that has to be a priority. It's for me and the security of my kids.
I saw some photos on the web of the OW and her wife and kids. They were at a theme park and were the "happy family" for everyone to see. I just don't get it. Is my W waiting until we are D until she unveils to the world her new relationsip? Are the AP and her wife not splitting? Is the AP and her wife just cool with things the way they are and can play the happy family game and just I can't? Maybe this is how ope marriages work? I have no idea. Aghh... must look away. Can't think about it or give it any more head space. Not my circus.
I am glad that you have planted some seeds and hopefully they will take hold in your W's mind and sould. You are the prize.
