T it so good to hear from you, my lovely military man.
I have been very selfish these days, and time have been slipping through my live with sorrow. I have been checking in other peoples threads.
I have a plan of getting things in place this weekend and start having a more normal life without so much affliction, it will take time since I have the kids.
I know, they are teenagers, big boys that can do a lot for themselves, but I can see and feel that they are grieving too.
My kids do not want to go out and about and have some fun. They are most of the time very close to each other and as much as they can to me. It is their way to cope with what is finally happening and I will respect that.
I see that it is just the human animal instinct, hold together until the danger is not on the horizon. It's actually beautiful to see that instincts work better then reason.
Since your are here yet I can guess that you are in the same situation as before so as soon as I can I will visit your thread to see if I can offer some comfort.
I am not feeling too bad today, I actually feel a little better because at least I have some closure with my financial situation now.
Life has yet a lot to offer and I feel I want to face the new challenges and this new path I am walking. That chapter is almost done and the new one has to be written and I am the one to make it prettier.
I am finding myself, I know it will take some time to be the person I want to be, but I think I can get there with grace. My faith has been tested and I am still walking with God and with my heart closer to him then ever before.
Maturity is hitting me, I feel like finally I am able to set the crazy aside and think about things with care and regard. Something new for me since I was always very adventurous and never afraid of anything that would come my way.
So, some trials in our lives come to teach us a little more, to show how much strength we have and how much resilience we can have.
The most important change for me is that I have learned a lot about love. There are books, people teaching and talking about it, movies and much more. But the real lesson came from the biggest pain in my life yet.
I learned to let someone free because I love this person, I felt in my bones, flash and my heart what it is to let go when you want the opposite. It's very hard, but it makes you grow into a beautiful person. One that can put aside all the ugly in life and simply wish the best to someone else.
I feel good because I am doing this. Throughout this time I have been a friend to my XH, I support his decision and validate his reason, I loved him till the end and for that sole reason I did respect what he wants. It makes me happy to be able to ignore my selfishness and just give.
I am better, and I will become even better because I learned a lot in this forum. I am so thankful I found this place where I can share my deepest feelings, fears, secrets, pain and so much more, without boundaries.
I am so thankful to all the folks that came to my rescue and gave me good advice and strength my courage to become a better me.
Life goes on, and I will be happy again because instead of losing myself, I found a beautiful person inside of me.
Love to you T, and to all that is reading my words. Believe that life is much more then our R, M, D.
