I agree w/Bea...do not call your h out in front of the kids. When you do speak to him, give him examples and please try to speak to him in a very calm manner and yes, look him in the eye. Stick to the facts and do not get wishy washy w/him. The TED method does work and you may have to use this method quite often during his crisis.
Boundaries are something that need to be put into place and also, his behavior towards you...if it gets out of hand, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "when you've calmed down, I'll be happy to discuss the matter w/you" and then walk away. Do not engage in heated discussions because no matter what, in his mind, he will always be right.
As for the rage...try not to take it personally and when he's like that, leave him alone. Many times, it's projected on to you because you are the safest person he can explode to. Bea is right about one thing, some of the rages can be frightening because the person you married and lived w/for so long has suddenly become a raving lunatic. It's so out of character, but it is part of the MLC journey for them. We even experience a bit of anger as part of the journey of mourning the death of our old marriages.
As for the shark eyes...yep, they do get those and they most certainly have no "sparkle". They will exhibit shark eyes for quite a while. Eyes are the window to our souls and right now, their souls are dead, hence the shark eyes. One day, the sparkle will return, but it's going to be a while.
So, for now, when he's raging, leave him alone. His journey is all about him and what he needs to heal his inner self.
Keep the focus on you and your kids as much as possible.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
