Thanks V, you are very wise. There is two ways to look at what happen.
1st - H has a plan very well done and it will all unfold soon. Like a new job with a better pay, moving somewhere far away, or who knows what.
2nd - H is so depressed and so gone from his normal being that he is in deep fog, feels very guilty, loves with all his heart as he says and does not want me to suffer. He is in a deep hole.
The H I knew from our 18 years together fits more with the 2nd option, but I am not very sure anymore. People change.
It was an awkward Moderation, no fights, no denials, no complaining. Just two people trying to detangle from many years together, with lots of pain, crying most of the time, H saying over and over that he loves me, will always love me.
My lawyer said that after 20years of practice he tough he had seen it all, but he was never in a divorce full of love, compassion, passion, courtesy.
I really don't know what will happen, but I need to take him from my heart as best as I can. I feel that we still have ways to go, and things could turn around, but in the same time I do not want to get stock in this mental hope.
I need to move forward and find a way to get use to my new single life. I don't know how to move on just yet, my heart still misses him (at least when I am not dreaming about RD).
I know I will, with time everything will land in it's place, I just need to be patient with myself.
Always love your words, they always help me a lot. You are a beautiful person.
