Your h confronted his mother in front of the entire family because it was a safe way to do it. Speaking to her about his childhood and how it was one on one will get him nowhere w/her. Like a teenager, he was getting back at her the only way he knew how to do so at that time. It's very sad, but the parents don't or can't see or want to admit what they may have done to their children long ago.
I do understand the disappoint you have in your h's behavior, but you've got to find a way to look at him as a different person right now. The body is the same, but the person living in that body is a very different individual who is very selfish and self-centered right now and will feel entitled at some point. Being a friend doesn't mean that you have to accept all of his "bad" behavior. If he's acting out in a way that isn't good in front of your children, call him on it.
It all takes time. His crisis didn't happen over night, but it did start a very long time ago and whatever flipped the switch started him on the path of going back and doing things one more time. You have to accept him for who he is today and realize that there is nothing you can do to stop the crisis or rush him through it. For now, you are the adult and you have to be there for your kids.
I'm truly sorry that you are having to deal w/this...but you will need to dig deeper for patience and know that whatever happens, you will be okay. You are going to discover that you are stronger than you think and will be able to accomplish things that you didn't think you could.
For now, keep the focus on you and your kids. Leave your h in God's hands.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
