tkdmme, I am in the same position as you, my H told me he wants out 5 months ago but is still here, but completely withdrawn. I am in limbo. Some days are easier than others. Today is very hard for me because I am away on a trip with my kids and he doesn't stay in touch, and I desperately want to call him. Keep busy, it helps. Matt is right, take it one minute at a time. I also am doing 180s and trying to detach. It is so hard, but you are not the only one in this situation. Hang in there!
Thank you so much. You are right. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Trying not to show my emotions or talk to her is killing me. I'm in this till the bitter end and no matter what we will be better for it. She is out with her freinds tonight. I didn't ask where she was going or who she will be with. Caring for someone for 16 years and then trying to let them go is extremely difficult.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I made it through another uncomfortable night and morning. The kids were away at their grandmother's house and my w was out with friends. I have not mentioned until now that my wife and I have always been drinkers. My wife more so than I, although through this process I have started to drink more. Last week I started attending AA meetings. I did not tell her at first but I had to eventually due to the fact that I was out every night this past week. Any way, I didn't go to the meeting last night and instead decided to stay home alone. When she returned she had been drinking. She wasn't stumbling drunk but it was obvious that the alcohol was effecting her. She brought up the AA meetings and told me that she didn't think I was an alcoholic and that I didn't need to be going to these meetings. When I asked why she thought this she started to reply and then stopped and said never mind. It seems that she interprets every thing im doing to better myself as trying to manipulate her or make her look bad. it seems that I can do nothing right in her eyes at this point. After she said never mind, I told her that it is probably best if we didn't talk right now. I then went to bed. This morning was weird but nothing was said. I hate this. Im sick of feeling this way. She is not the person I married.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
Tkdmme.. I know what u're going through my sitch its very similar except that my W is only 25 and showing signs of MLC, have you read any o the books? I'm not expert and I'm only 2 months into this ride, but what I can tell u is that she is doing GAL and u should too, I know its hard I haven't been able to do it 100% myself but U need to go out and do stuff, go exercise, I was looking at some volunteer opportunities in my city, doesn't mean that u have to go drinking too also in my opinion again (im new at this) u don't have to let her know what u're doing since from what I read its not a trust issue. again if I'm wrong someone will correct me.!! I feel ur pain and how hard it is. but u're in the right place to seek for advice and support. stay strong cuz its looks like its a long journey.!
Desp13, Thanks for your reply. It is hard. Very hard. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from a bad deem but it never stops. I guess it can't last forever. I'm just praying that I can do and say the right things. I haven't been doing to we'll so far. I'm trying to detatch. I'm not sure if I should attend family functions or not. Her birthday is coming up and I'm not sure whether to have a party for her or not. Whatever I Do it will be wrong in her eyes. Hang in there. I'm sure trying.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
You need to detach, walk around "AS IF" first you need to GAL, stay busy do things that make you attractive to her and give her her space, don't make any arrangements for her, you can buy or force her love. Be polite and cordial but stop pursuing!
Some of us have been through it longer than you so we know what works and what doesn't taking into consideration that all sitches are different, hang in there, you will be ok once you start GALing.
trust me I know, still go to family events not to all of them, and Im trying to go less and less of them, also my W bday its the first week of aug and I heard her making plans with her friend to go away for the weekend, and now idk if I should buy her the gift that I had planned before the bd which it was on the expensive side or just get her something simple. so trust me I Know how confused u must be..!
Hopefully we'll get a good advice on how to proceed.!
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
