Working on it, but affair hasn't ended yet...

[t33]

[quote=t33]
T33 ... she is starting to look at consequences for HER actions, and there are some right? Remind yourself she had the A, and repeat after me ... The A is not my fault, this was her choice.

True.

I do not see that ... she is and has been increasing the temp checks now that you see them for what they are right? She pursues you for coffee, she is sharing she feels the distance .... she FEELS you drifting away now and does not like it.

Yes - and I suppose I need to let her keep doing so without engaging or encouraging anything.

You did well, keep reading, read up Sandis WW threads again, and the golden 37. Do not flinch, it does not come natural .. if you did what felt natural where do you think your M is going to end up? DB T ... stay the course ... you did well here.

No, it certainly does not come natural. Glad I finally did something right - but geez, this is hard.

Time to continue, stay strong. You've got this.

Thank you. Couple of questions.

The obvious concern is what ralphy said - what if this was a reach out for some affirmation? If she's struggling (which she is) and feels that i'm moving on or not trying, then what if this gives the opposite effect of what I want - a reason to give up and move on herself? How can I affirm that i'm still in it - while still DB-ing and pulling back? Or is that just the gamble...?

This weekend. Saturday. I'd like to offer her to go out for food or drinks just to hang out, no relationship talk. If she declines, I can easily still go out on my own. My DB coach said to remember to lovingly detach and that invitations are OK as long as I don't play into the expected response (i.e. if she says no, then I just don't go out and do anything) - so if she does say no, still go. This also could be an opportunity for an unexpected response (i.e. an invitation for something I know she'll say no to, just so she can see a reaction that she's not expecting). What is the feeling on invitations? I don't want to sabotage the DB work, but while I GAL occasionally, I don't think I should GAL every time - she still is a part of my life and the hope is that doesn't go away.

Thoughts?