So last night we had virtually no communication. I got home, put the kids to bed, she went and worked out. I did my walk. We came back cleaned up and basically went to bed. This morning, similar. We said a curt goodbye and drove off.
I stopped at the coffee shop and got my coffee. She texted me asking if she wanted me to meet her there. I said Sure. She came, got her coffee and then says, "You know - I've never felt more disconnected from you than this week." She said it felt like we were both moving on and then kinda of shrugged. I didn't dive into a conversation, tried to keep PMA, and kept my responses short. She asked if I wanted to do a trial separation. I basically said something like, "We have to do what will make us happy. None of us should be stuck in a loveless marriage." - something my DB coach suggested.
So first part .. she is starting to FEEL it. This is good and what you want to have happened, granted at this point she knows you are still hanging around and availible but you are working on that.
2nd item ... Temp Check.
3rd ...Classic DB response, as its not 'she' should not be in a loveless marriage .. its pointing out that you both deserve to be happy and loved.
Originally Posted By: t33
She didn't really respond. I forget part of the conversation but at one point, I said that I realized she's built up quite some anger towards me. She said, no - she's not angry just sad. Again, keeping all my responses brief. She said she's sad when she starts thinking about having to deal with her finances, selling the house, she's afraid I'll try to take the kids away. She said something like she feels like we're just drifting so far apart that we'll end up at a point where we'd never be able to come back from. I basically said something like I'm just approaching things day by day and suggested she do the same without trying to reach so far into the future.
T33 ... she is starting to look at consequences for HER actions, and there are some right? Remind yourself she had the A, and repeat after me ... The A is not my fault, this was her choice.
She is right .... T33 is GAL and PMA and starting to live his life, not one he chose but as a strong individual its one he will do and suceed at.
Originally Posted By: t33
I'm sure the suggestion here would have been to have just ended the conversation and walked away, but that seemed too rude to do. It seems like my pull back is causing her to pull back and feel like we're just drifting further away (I know - mindreading). Maybe this is just another test. Maybe this is the goal of detaching and pulling back. To say it hasn't made me question my strategies would be a lie. Now that I'm alone, I'm not as crazed as I would have been a week or two ago - which I guess says something for detachment. But still - I'm left uneasy and a bit lost.
I do not see that ... she is and has been increasing the temp checks now that you see them for what they are right? She pursues you for coffee, she is sharing she feels the distance .... she FEELS you drifting away now and does not like it.
You did well, keep reading, read up Sandis WW threads again, and the golden 37. Do not flinch, it does not come natural .. if you did what felt natural where do you think your M is going to end up? DB T ... stay the course ... you did well here.
