Caliguy balls definitely not on my court she doesn't want to see me only communicates/texts to say when she filed , when she picks up stuff from our place so I won't be home when she does and when she finally moves all her stuff out. There's no communication , or anything--haven't seen her in almost a month now . She not only doesn't care what's going on with me she won't even see/hear about my changes .
Aj ... I know you may feel that the your W has all the power right now, and granted I have been at this far longer than you have.
Here is the deal, you are reacting to her actions. You have given her that power over you ... she did not take this, you have released this on your own ... most likely out of fear .. fear of what your life is and will be without her in it ... you have given her this power.
When you decide to truly DB, you will rebuild yourself, you are not detached, I hav enot read all your sitch but if you have read the books, paid attention to the forums here .. GAL and PMA are the tools you need to use here to detach and worry about what you can control .. which just happens to be yourself.
Your W filed, her choice her action, you can either accept it and deal with this, or toss your hands up and quit ... the later will not serve you well as you are most likely not going to grow from this.
The comment you made:
Quote:
[ why she did this when everyone including her family and friends see our problems as normal in a marriage and easy to fix...
Her choice and you have no control over it, and most likely she did not see an 'easy' fix ... nor have the changes you made been noticed let alone trusted ... its about consistancy.
Personally, looking back on my sitch .. I will be honest. Like you at first I was a "Why/how could she do this" type ... looking at who I was now .... I would not wanna be married to me either, and you know what? I would NEVER had made the changes I did without the BD and the pain to follow. Now, I like me, I like my new life ... I am actively working on my M but if she decided today its not going to work , I would be disappointed but I know I also would be OK with it knowing I did everything I could possibly do to save my M, more importantly I became a much better and stronger man out of all this.
Like I said .. the ball is in YOUR court ... pick it up and go home..stay the same, or you can practice the free throws and become better.
