Working on it, but affair hasn't ended yet...

[t33]

So last night we had virtually no communication. I got home, put the kids to bed, she went and worked out. I did my walk. We came back cleaned up and basically went to bed. This morning, similar. We said a curt goodbye and drove off.

I stopped at the coffee shop and got my coffee. She texted me asking if she wanted me to meet her there. I said Sure. She came, got her coffee and then says, "You know - I've never felt more disconnected from you than this week." She said it felt like we were both moving on and then kinda of shrugged. I didn't dive into a conversation, tried to keep PMA, and kept my responses short. She asked if I wanted to do a trial separation. I basically said something like, "We have to do what will make us happy. None of us should be stuck in a loveless marriage." - something my DB coach suggested.

She didn't really respond. I forget part of the conversation but at one point, I said that I realized she's built up quite some anger towards me. She said, no - she's not angry just sad. Again, keeping all my responses brief. She said she's sad when she starts thinking about having to deal with her finances, selling the house, she's afraid I'll try to take the kids away. She said something like she feels like we're just drifting so far apart that we'll end up at a point where we'd never be able to come back from. I basically said something like I'm just approaching things day by day and suggested she do the same without trying to reach so far into the future.

I'm sure the suggestion here would have been to have just ended the conversation and walked away, but that seemed too rude to do. It seems like my pull back is causing her to pull back and feel like we're just drifting further away (I know - mindreading). Maybe this is just another test. Maybe this is the goal of detaching and pulling back. To say it hasn't made me question my strategies would be a lie. Now that I'm alone, I'm not as crazed as I would have been a week or two ago - which I guess says something for detachment. But still - I'm left uneasy and a bit lost.