HaWho - I am no expert - but in my situation I had a ton of childhood baggage around absent and abusive love. I tolerated his absent love because it felt familiar, like love. I'm still working on resolving these issues as I don't want to fall back in the trap again.
My H is also very P-A which has triggered many of my co-dependency buttons.
H: 48 Me: 47 Married: 19 yrs T: 20 yrs 2 teen-Ds and S H-MLC (started 2012) and H-Unemployed (11/2014) D-Bomb: 2/2015 H left country but hasn't moved out: 7/2015 I filed: 7/2015