Still cant move on

[Pollyanna9999]

I was snapped 10 years ago in an A. My H ad I tried ( me not hard enough ) for 4 years to make it work. He met someone and we separated. We have not Divorced. His partner has moved countries and I am 3 years into a relationship .
My issue is I cannot commit to the new relationship ( as to living together ) . Although I have no more feelings towards my EX I cannot get over the loss of the family unit and I sem ever hopeful that it will be restored. This seems crazy as I cannot for the life of me see how my EXH and I could reconcile. We are very different people.
How do I accept this and move on ? Not doing so is impacting on my loving my new partner
Am I crazy ?

[kat727]

You can't move on because you haven't resolved the relationship with your husband. He is not your ex as you are not divorced. Can't open a new chapter in your life without closing the last one.

You have some work to do my dear. Your husband can't fully move on either while you are still married. Bringing someone else into your life while issues regarding your marriage are still open, is always a bad idea. Get hopping.

kat

[Ginger1]

I'm afraid the picture in our head of how our life should have been rather than how it is in reality can really hold us back from moving on. Until we accept that there is new future which may not be what we thought it would be, could be fulfilling too.

It took me quite some time to get over the loss of a family unit that never got the chance to be. When I finally did, I began to move forward in my life and rarely ever look backwards.

not moving forward is impacting you, your new loving partner, and at the same time, still will not make your future what you thought it would be.

I agree with kat, you need resolve these issues and legalize your divorce before you can move forward. perhaps then you will get your closure. And honestly, sometimes we just need to move forward without the closure.

I truly hope you can work through this.

[Cristy]

I was snapped 10 years ago in an A. My H ad I tried ( me not hard enough ) for 4 years to make it work. He met someone and we separated. We have not Divorced. His partner has moved countries and I am 3 years into a relationship .
My issue is I cannot commit to the new relationship ( as to living together ) . Although I have no more feelings towards my EX I cannot get over the loss of the family unit and I sem ever hopeful that it will be restored. This seems crazy as I cannot for the life of me see how my EXH and I could reconcile. We are very different people.
How do I accept this and move on ? Not doing so is impacting on my loving my new partner
Am I crazy ?

Hello Pollyanna9999,

You are not crazy! Being hopeful that you can restore your family unit is a good thing. Even though you don't see how you and your STBX could reconcile, it is worth exploring.

Speaking with a DB coach will help clarify your thoughts and feelings.

It would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our program at 303-444-7004.


Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[Pollyanna9999]

Thanks guys.
Have always thought I needed counselling of some sort.
It is so easy to talk about getting the divorce but it is a huge almighty step. He left me, why does he not file?
I know we always dwell on the good when a relationship ends but I cannot pin anything bad on my STBX. He was a good husband and is and continues to be the best father in the world.

I know my new partner does not have all of me and he knows it as well. He just does not realise , I have this huge wish to restore my family unit.

[Rick1963]

Polyanna why be in a relationship if not 100% commited? Based on yout initial post your ex left because you had an afair. Sounds to me that you can not commit and be faithful.

Yes you do need counseling. Try it might help