I'm fighting a very painful urge to contact him and tell him if he's really confused and angry, and doesn't want this...I don't either.
Pls let me rational.
IF he said ok and we went to counseling, that is still not him coming to terms with abuse or wanting to change. It is a repeat of our old cycle.
IF...my family and friends could not support after what they know. And o would. R living in panic and worry, not relaxed peace. Is he still on Tinder? Is it ok to bro g xyz up right now? Does he love me? No - trust is gone and it would be hell living with this.
IF - I would still feel confusion and hurt and if I asked him to clarify any of what hsppened, a man I don't trust still can twist and twist and twist.
IF - I still would deal with a life with no children. His possible drug issues, immaturity.
Z- I have asked you this multiple times...but I'll ask again..you seem to go back and forth on the issue of D...which I can completely understand..but every time I ask you, you sound pretty sure you want to get a D. But then posts like these...your hesitant...again understandable...I guess I feel if there is a tiny part of you that doesnt want a D...then why do it? Separate what you need to...and live your life (I know I should take my own advice), but if your not ready to...then don't do it yet?
I feel you still have hope (not a bad thing) in some of your posts...so idk...i don't feel like you should do anything you aren't completely wanting...thoughts?
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
