Just going to add a bit. Seems the updates are less and less as honestly there is not much going on.
Still have been staying at W's place, becoming more routine in a way ... but very different from old M. We eat as a family as we did, but with no TV (My doing) we talk, then S will go shower and W and I do our homework. We will either read or watch TV as a family then S goes to bed. Same as before with some subtle changes. Here is where things are different. W and I even talked about this last night. After S is in bed (we both put him to bed now) her and I get ready and jump in bed about the time she always went upstairs ... I would typically jump on the laptop and put on Sportscenter. she was out early and I would not go to bed till 11:30. Now we get in bed together, talk a bit .. just pillow talk .. light chit chat. Her IC instructed her no bad thoughts/talks at night ... do not bring up any issues, light hearted talks. So we do that ... we have read together (SSM by MWD or another book her IC gave her) .... or she might watch her shows on Netflix and I will read .... regardless we are together on the bed.
She asked me yesterday if it felt weird going to my place now ... caught me off guard and I shared I felt like I was homeless in a way ... not really moved in with her, but have not been at my place much at all. In the last 3 weeks I have slept at my place 5 nights 3 of those due to DJing Fridays and not wanting to wake her.(tonight will be the same) Was not much of a talk, I am good with the arrangement as me having that place as a back up puts less pressure on us, and I do not feel trapped knowing I can always go back there. Yesterday when I came in W did say to S "Daddy is home" ... I smiled and thought ... wow ... this time last year, no way were those words in her capacity.
So that's the update, now about some things I am wrestling with. The big blow up last weekend is still on my mind, not so much the OM stuff, I can understand her thought process on that and where she was with the depression spiral and all that. Its the OM2 who is in the friend zone and the fact she deletes the communication with him. I had a problem about 10 years ago with a similar incident, might have mishandled it but still stand by my though that there is a line, a boundary, with relationships outside the M especially when its the opposite gender. Given the OM and the A ... I might be even more sensitive to this, but I have not shown my hand.. but it is the elephant in the room. Currently I have approached it just as I did the A and OM, not much I can do .... however its the deleting/hiding/deceit that is stuck in my head, and is something I have told her I would not want in the new M, something I want to calmly discuss but waiting for the right time. I am ok with OM2 as a friend, provided she is open about it. Mindreading here .. I think she will assume I have an issue to the extent they talk. I do think her and I will have to redress the transparency/trust issue ... nothing has to be done now, but it is on my mind.
Tomorrow we have our 2nd Post session from Retrouvaille. I will say we did better these past 2 weeks, made more time to do homework, and have been communicating better. We drop S off early at his friends place .. he goes to a birthday Movie day, we are done at 12:30 but do not get S till 6:30 .... I might suggest a date after we finish the post (180) Sunday morning I have my football game, I am taking S so W can go run or do the gym, after S and I are going swimming and I think I will cook a nice meal that night, after I go for a ride on the Harley...something I have not told W but I will hand S off to her and GAL for a couple hours.
W mentioned this week in our hmwk that she really loved my 'kitchen skillz' and realized how much she missed them and how she really enjoyed dinner Wednesday night ... I did some corn, potatoes and steaks .... I kill the midwest stick to your ribs stuff.... she joked that I was trying to fatten her up for the kill.
So things have been going well, I find myself detached a bit, not in a bad way but more in control, not pursuing, not to up nor to down. Had a bad night the other night trying to sleep (mind racing about the A/OM) and just could not shake it ... got up and slept on the couch. W asked about it I just told her 'bad night' left it at that. I think the detachment stems from the OM2 stuff ... I truly know nothing is 'there' but its that deceit thing, she is not hiding the phone like she has done for the past 3 years or so ... but in the same breathe she does not really want me to 'snoop.
