My name is Gary and 3 weeks ago my wife of 17 years and partner of 25 years has told me that she wants to separate
I first met her when she was 14 and she is now just turned 40
She has told me that for so long she has been feeling so lonely and that I have not been there for her when she needed me
3 years ago we were at the point of separation over the same issues and managed to get back together shortly after this my wife got pregnant with baby number 4
So I have a 17 year old daughter a14 year old son 12 year old son and a now 20 month old daughter
Over the years my wife has tried to talk to me but I never really listened and now I feel that it is too late.
I love her with all my heart and cannot imagine not being with her
We live in a lovely 5 bedroom house in a lovely area we have both worked so hard to build this life and to give our children everything they wanted and cannot afford to buy two properties so for the time being we we going to co habit
My wife feels much resentment towards me And can only remember the bad parts of our marriage
I have purchased divorce remedy but do not know where to start
I am not violent neither of us has been unfaithful and there is no other man she just tell me she has had enough I do not want to loose the connection but I know in talking to her over and over I am pushing her away
Please can you help me to find the right path I do not know what to say or do
Thank you
Gary
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Ghost, I am so sorry that you are here. Fortunately, the support you find here can help you and might just save your marriage. I recommend starting the book at the beginning as much of it will apply in your sitch.
Can you provide some more information on where your MR may have went south?
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
My wife felt I was not doing enough arround the home house work washing cleaning ironing I work during the days so this is very hard of an evening I did not spend enough quality time with her
With 4 kids our lives just got pushed to one side
She tells me that I do not listen to her and when we nearly separated 3 years ago I did not do enough to change things
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
She wanted me to do more with the children and more arround the house she wanted me to spend quality time with her and treat her as an equal arround the home
I put work clients in front of her and I put myself my hobbies in front of hers
She has been upset for a very long time she would tell me how upset she was and I would listen but then things got better and I though things were ok the way things were going
Recently we have argued over silly things but the crux of this is that she asked for a separation and has said to me that there is no going back she would not have told the kids if she was not prepared to follow this through
She says that since separating she feels less lonely because she is in control of her happiness she does not need to depend or rely on me
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
She is adement about this and I do believe her on this she has never been unfaithful she would not of had the time and in what he she has said when we have spoken I do believe her on this
She says that she wants to have time to be her and not to answer to anyone else
Being an equal is important for her
She felt she was doing everything arround the house and to a large degree she was but I did try to help when I could just not enough
On a couple of occasions I was extremely rude to our son I lost my temper and called him the worst swear word Posable
I have not been there at school plays and sports days due to work my time management was very poor ...we are both self employed so money worries we always at the forefront of our life's I feel I tried but I just did not do enough
I lost my father last year and I believe this trigger some of my bad behaviour and upset
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
She has been building to this point for a number of years I did not truley understand just how lonely and sad she was getting in our marriage
Time just went by with the day to day living and managing looking after 4 children of which she feels she has always done thie lions share
She tells me she has changed and she is not the person she was ....I know we all change
I know that we can never go back to how it was I would not want to but there could be a new beginning a better us but right now I cannot see her changing her mind so it would be this that I feel would have to happen
We are living in the same house and we are talking getting along doing all the things that people do do infact the only reall changes are she is sleeping in a different room ....she had previously talked about this anyway as I snore and have no intamacy we eat together sometimes she will drink from my glass I do her laundry and she does mine
During the day things almost feel normal when we go out with the kids but then evenings are strained going to different rooms and no hugging or kissing
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
