Recovery from cancer and separation

[asitis]

Any number of reasons, but one huge potential reason is that she has to cast you in the role of the bad guy to justify her doing something that is deeply painful and which she is ashamed of. In our society women are socialized to see themselves as responsible for managing relationships. They are judged on their worth based on their ability. Not only is her M failing, but she is the one walking away from a vow that almost every little girl is trained even today that this is one of her life's biggest dreams and accomplishments. That's a lot of baggage to be saddled with. In that kind of situation, there can be a lot of protecting oneself from the slings and arrows of self, friends and family, and society, as well as hurt that she couldn't have that dream and is a failure in her own eyes and society's.

She also may be hurt that you seem to be getting on without her rather or seeming to do OK while she is still a wreck inside.

Some people come to grips with it and let go of the anger. Others, unfortunately never do. Not returning the anger, listening and validating and detaching, etc. are the best things you can do to help her be the former and not the latter, but ultimately it will be up to her.

So, while it feels very personal, and there are certainly some real reasons for anger towards you, a lot of the reasons are not about you and not personal.

Now, it also could be a negotiating strategy, as well.

Either way, not biting the hook is the best way forward. Lots of STFU smoothies are in your future for a while, unfortunately. IC and support network, as well as other means to healthily vent are good to have in your plan.