Thank you so much Jim, RD, Toots, Vanilla, BW05, Photoka and Bob for all your hugs and kind words. I really appreciated and the truth is that I really need it.
It's done, we have a D agreement finalized in one day. Hooray!
It was yet the most difficult event in my entire life, and I had many to cry about. At first the mediator placed us in different rooms in order to get us situated in priorities and so.
He talked to my lawyer and I and then went to talk to my H, came back and said that he would like to understand better because I told him that my H asked for the D and H said that I want the D.
I told why I put the D papers, Mediator goes to talk to my H and come back. Said to my lawyer that we need to get things straight because "these folks wants to divorce but she is crying over here saying he wants it and he is crying over there saying she wants it, and we are going nowhere with this"
So, they put us face to face and then H said that he loves me with all his heart and won't stop loving me ever, but he thinks that our M is done, that we won't be able to rescue or work on it anymore.
I said so be it and we started. H is broken, he gave me everything. Today I should be happy because things worked well for me and the kids and we won't be in harms way.
Instead, I feel really sad because he put himself in this situation. He agreed on everything, he even paid for stuff he did not need to.
I don't know what to think about, besides seeing a sick person that is totally lost and do not care about himself anymore. He is a self destructive way. If I tried to see it different, then I need to say that H has a diabolic plan and is hiding stuff no one can find. Who knows, but I don't think it is the case here, so we will see.
I probably did not DBing the whole time. I was looking nice, and he made a point to tell me that several times, I was looking strong and decisive. But at some point I burst into tears, there was too much emotions involved. A few times a asked for a break because it was overwhelming to hear how much he loves me and care about me.
My lawyer and the Mediator said that in 20years they tough they saw it all, but this was the first time they work with folks that are saying they love each other, they agree in all the stuff, they cry the whole time and yet they are working on their divorce.
I don't know anything today. I am a big mess, my emotions are all over the place. One thing I know is that now will be time for me to think only about myself and my kids.
We are done, our M is over. In a week or two we will sign the D decree and then it will be official. Because we resolved everything in the settlement, we won't need to go to court, so it is all done.
I need to turn the page, I am giving until sunday to talk about H with my friends because they want to know what happen. I decided that after sunday I will talk about H only here in this board.
I don't know what will happen next, I don't know if we are done, I don't know when I will be done with all this, I don't know if he will ever get better or at least get some professional help, I don't know if I will be surprised with some crazy news and learn why he did all this. I just don't know anything.
The only think I know for sure is that in some ways I feel resolved, I feel I have a clean road and need to make the most to walk it in peace.
Maybe now I will have the strength to work in what is important for me and for my kids.
Friends, I did not busted my divorce, but I am not dead and I will follow my path whatever it takes me... it is a new journey.
