Help and support appreciated

[West1]

I meant by the attention that she wasnt present when I would try to engage in emotional conversation, I wasnt really communicating with her, or telling her what my needs really were.

There is no excuse for what i did. No justification makes it right. I was fooling myself into believing abd believed my own lies that because it was only fantasy and online that it wasnt cheating. It is always cheating sharing anything that only your partner should have or experience.

I knew this and felt this, yet still did it.

She is everything, smart, funny, beautiful, an amazing mother, handled everything and raisex my two kids from a previous marriage as her own.

Brought me and mine into her home and we built our life together.

Through the porn and sex addiction, which I am seeing after quitting cold turkey, that my view and perception have completely changed.

Whats normal, what is healthy, what is a realistic expectation.

Wrong beliefs, sexual trauma and abuse from my childhood that I never dealt with till after all of this.

Knowing what is right, wrong, morally right and wrong, and turning my back on my faith, justifying my decisions and not caring about anyone but myself.

I am not that person in my heart, and I know I have done wrong. I have to live with all of that every day.