Never thought I would make it, but thanks to all of you, it's been a much smoother ride.
Been separated now almost a month...living with my parents. Getting my head screwed back on straight. Developing a PMA. Keeping things in perspective. Figuring out which way to go. Loving every minute with my daughter.
As for W, I'm cautiously optimistic. Her emotional state is changed. Somewhere in between who she was and what she became during her EA (PA?). I have no idea if it's still active or not. If it is, it is deep, deep underground.
She's been open to spending time together - with and without D2. We spent a nice weekend for the 4th at a festival, D2 riding rides, a pony, then dinner together. Spent Sunday together at the pool, and then at the house. Tough to go back to my parents house when I have good days like that.
We had lunch together yesterday. No R talk at all for awhile now. W is taking to to dinner and then out for drinks and singing for my birthday on Saturday night. My parents will watch D2. Hoping to keep the PMA and resist any alcohol influenced interactions.
W has been organizing the house/garage, focusing mainly on my clutter, which I was too pig - headed to do myself. Whether it was depression induced, stubbornness, or laziness doesn't matter. I should have been a better person to her. Working on that, through changes to myself and self-reflection. I apologized a deep, sincere apology to her for that a few days ago. She replied with "thank you for the apology". I hurt her badly I know. It doesn't excuse an EA (PA?), but I don't know how to approach that right now, so I'm taking my chances that it's over, or at least that she's having second thoughts about it and is willing to work on this. Won't know until she tells me I guess.
I've become addicted to self improvement. It sounds funny, but I enjoy falling asleep every night reading something that directly improves ME.
Any vets wanna chime in with suggestions moving forward? Should I "trust but verify" as Ronnie so eloquently put it? It's important that we are working together with our Ds best interests at heart.
There is still this nagging feeling that something isn't right...that I'm about to get blindsided with D papers, or that this is a test, or an attempt to just keep peace until Armageddon.
I know we aren't "piecing", and can't even think about it until the A situation is addressed and confirmed over, but other than that, and the fact that it hasn't been long enough of positive interactions, I feel that there is true hope for R at some point.
I miss my best friend so much. That slipped out...
Last edited by Cadet; 07/09/1511:30 PM. Reason: Links
Also, my IC today was impressed with my progress. We discussed validating her, empathy vs. sympathy, and how I've been basing decision on how it will impact my W or the fear of her reaction...I need to stop doing this.
Goal for the week/forever - stop depending on her for my happiness. I'm getting there.
Prayers to all of you going up now. Then rehearsal. We open in two weeks!
Very minor emotional setback, but for me personally, nothing external, and not around my W thankfully. Just thinking too much. Need to breathe and restore PMA.
It's hard when other people (aka MIL) suddenly become a potential obstacle. Just need to chart a course for righting that ship.
"There is still this nagging feeling that something isn't right...that I'm about to get blindsided with D papers, or that this is a test, or an attempt to just keep peace until Armageddon."
Ralphy... You will have that suspicion as long as YOU let yourself have it. You know I speak from experience here. It is something that you can minimize by focusing on all your positives that you have going for you and your happiness plan.
Ralphy you're a great help to me , wish I had more experience to be of help to you . Just know you and many others here have helped me in the short time I've been here . Remember when down read the bad texts
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
Aj, it may or may not work for you. It's just something that I did on my own.
I had a friend who quit smoking cold turkey and I asked him how he did it. He responded that he "fell in love with the feeling of craving a cigarette". I didn't get it, but he did. He just loved the feeling he got when he craved a cigarette.
I have fallen in love with the feeling of rising up from an emotional low. Reading the texts over and over made me feel really low at first, but then I made it a mission to figure out how to heal from it.
Tonight my W made a small comment that hit me hard...the first time I realized/remembered that there are other people out there (in laws) who don't necessarily have my best interests at heart, and who could be a real roadblock unless I address this calmly, rationally, and confidently.
Amazing how moods can change overnight. Good morning everyone. Lots to do today. It's kind of a gloomy day out. Extra work to adjust the mindset today.
Just thinking about all this. Trying to put it all together and make sense out of it. (I know, its not possible to make sense of any of it, but I'm trying to at least understand it all, and assess where I am). I keep an open mind that I too have some say in all this and what comes next.
W and I haven't had the slightest bit of a disagreement in at least a couple weeks, if not three weeks to a month. I haven't been keeping score, but it's been awhile.
Fathers Day weekend I believe was the last discussion we had even remotely resembling a disagreement, and that was just me being cranky and losing sight of DB.
Same day as that disagreement, W buys me some really expensive sunglasses.
W has started organizing stuff in the garage - I discussed this earlier - I should have done it earlier. Seems to actually be bringing some of my stuff IN the house and putting it away as though I still live there or I may return someday at least. (encouraging?)
W has been texting me/calling me for things, and asking me to call her, etc. She genuinely wants to be around me. (Or so it seems...I guess she could just be testing or pretending).
W seems to have shed 90% of her teenager aura.
Great 4th of July weekend together w/ D2.
Nice day 7/5 at the pool and house w/ D2.
Nice lunch together Wednesday 7/8.
W taking me out for b-day dinner and drinks/karaoke after - 7/11.
During all this, some occasional hugs, kissing, and ILY's (I initiated the ILY's twice...not sure if I messed that up or not).
Negatives: I'm still sleeping at my parents house, and I don't know about the status of the A.
I know it's only been a few weeks of good signs, so what do I make of all this? Vets?
Goodnight to my "forum family". I hope you all had drama free evenings. D2 is with me, so it's been a quiet night since she went to bed about 845. Just have been up reading this evening.
Dinner with W tomorrow night. Praying everything stays on course...whatever that course might be, God only knows.
