Welcome to the community. The majority of people here are left-behind spouses who are wanting to save their M. Although your W has left, you are the one here who is seeking guidance to save your M.
If I understand correctly, your W was reacting from learning about your EA, and through anger you told her to leave. In order to clarify, you are considered the wayward spouse in the M. Although she is talking D, you are the one who was unfaithful.
It is very rare to have a wayward husband seeking help on the board. Bear in mind that some things you read may not apply or will have to be adjusted in your particular case, b/c you are the offender.....and yet you are the one here. If you follow the same advice as you see left-behind spouses, it could speed up the D process. You may need to ask questions before you venture out too far. Okay?
May I ask if you have ended the contact with the OW? Have you made it clear to her that it is over and you are working to save your M, or did you cut communication? Have you been tempted to contact her, since your W left?
You can't use the tough love approach if you are the unfaithful one. You can't act as though everything is fine and nothing bothers you. She may have done her share of breaking down the MR, but you will quickly learn that most left-behind spouses believe nothing is as bad as betrayal. It's not easy being your shoes, but neither is it easy for her. She is the one who is in so much pain due to your behavior.
Do you get what I'm trying to say about your side of the fence.....and the majority in the community's side? B/c it does make a huge a difference in what you need to apply to your stitch.
You will be able to learn a lot, if you'll stick it out. You will get support and encouragement to continue working to save your M.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
