It's Been Two Months Today

[DifRent]

Yeeesh... I went to put some trash in the recycling bin just now, and I saw that while beginning to pack and purge yesterday, she had tossed a bunch of my books, including my high school yearbook, in there!

I knew it wasn't intentional, so I approached her about it when she came home - not with anger, but with concern. She clearly felt bad about it, but it continues to point to how she's just not right in the head these days. I guess this gives me some kind of glimmer of hope, that she's not right in the head and this too shall pass... but it also means maybe I need to be around while she's throwing stuff out!

Except she's said three times now how bad she feels about having done that. So maybe she'll be more careful going forward.

Strange day here, both of us in the house almost the whole time, working together in the office kind of like the "old days."

It got me thinking, though... yes, like the old days. So what was wrong with the old days? What should we have done differently?

We'd be in this office, and we'd work, and maybe we didn't interact enough, take enough breaks, get enough space. We used to always grab and kiss each other spontaneously, maybe once or twice a day. Now that I know touch is her love language, maybe I didn't do it enough?

Nothing we could do about it today to turn back the clock or change our course towards what I see as a disaster for both of us. I don't think there was anything about today that was warmly nostalgic, unfortunately. Maybe there will be if we share a little wine after dinner, if she agrees to quit working. I suspect she isn't going to the OW's at all tonight, much less going to sleep there, since she's not slept here in at least a week.

I wonder if the seeds I planted this week are growing, or if she's just forcing them down deep into places of her psyche she never visits. I wonder, but all I can do is continue to give her to God.