Working on it, but affair hasn't ended yet...

[V2pt0]

Hmmm, IMHO I probably would have responded, but I would have waited a bit longer and left it at the first line.

I suppose you could ignore it, but that seems cold. Again, back to the friend vs. no friend convo. You would not ignore a friend per my DB coach.

[CaliGuy]

Who's ready for a little over-analysis?

So, I had coffee with WW this morning. We parted ways at 8am, she gave me a cheek kiss, I didn't reciprocate (first time), but did give her a little side hug. I got in my car and drove off, didn't wait for her to drive off first. No contact since then. Then:

W: How's it going? (11:03am)
Me: Good! You? (11:05am)(11:45am)
W: Super busy but good (11:46am)
Me:busy busy - worky worky (12:30pm) This line not required, might be better to leave her hanging than her leaving you hanging as she did.... her reply really did not give reason for you to answer. nice!

No response. Was this the appropriate way to deal with it? I don't want to ignore her (and be an A-hole) - and she knows I'm text/email on my phone all day for work, so I can't play I didn't see it...but I did keet it brief and didn't followup with anything else.

Of course this doesn't feel right to me...but I want to do what works - not what feels right...

Not bad, better as I know you are just starting.... but I made a couple suggestions.

Do NOT be super available .... a guideline I was given that proved to really help

Normal TM: reply 30-90 minutes (You are GAL and really busy living your new life)
TM about kids: 20-30 minutes
Emergency about kids: immediately

[t33]

Thanks CaliGuy,

I suppose you could ignore it, but that seems cold. Again, back to the friend vs. no friend convo. You would not ignore a friend per my DB coach.

Not bad, better as I know you are just starting.... but I made a couple suggestions.

Agreed - I don't feel that just ignoring her will be effective. We're not NC, so it seems unreasonably harsh. That being said, your timetables of waiting seem much more appropriate.

Do NOT be super available .... a guideline I was given that proved to really help

Gotcha. It's tough because I'm so available for work, it's obvious that I'm ignoring or putting her off. But I suppose that's not a bad thing in this DB situation.

[CaliGuy]

T33 Its not that you are ignoring her, but you have been fired as a H ... not by choice ... so look at it this way, you would not remain on call for a company who fired you.

Another thing about the A-hole comment earlier I meant to touch on. Its not that you are being nasty doing this ... kill em with kindness approach, but also with a 'I am enjoying my life regardless of what you do' outlook. You can do this easily with zero A-hole attitude, but certainly adopt "I am a strong confident man in charge of himself and his emotions, I am the prize" swag.

Again... use the "What would Clint Do?" approach ... you have to start changing, as hard as that sounds it gets even trickier when they test you .. and they will test you. Time to really focus on changing into T33 2.0 my friend ... you can do this ... I did and am much better for it, regardless of M or no M as I actually enjoy my life, living it and being happy without worrying 'does she approve, will she get mad, am I sleeping on the couch?' ... most liberating time of my entire life and I am thankful for the journey.

[t33]

T33 Its not that you are ignoring her, but you have been fired as a H ... not by choice ... so look at it this way, you would not remain on call for a company who fired you.

That sure makes a whole lot of sense.

Again... use the "What would Clint Do?" approach ... you have to start changing, as hard as that sounds it gets even trickier when they test you .. and they will test you.

Yes, it will be hard, and the tests come up. I've already failied. So FRUSTRATING!

I was on with the DB Coach and she called. I didn't answer but did call back 5 mins later (even after your text response suggestions). She didn't answer. I then saw her followup text:

W: Just calling to say hello
W: That is all
Me: Aha! Just saw this now. Hello!

So stupid!!!!

[Vanilla]

T

This is called temperature checking.

Just respond with OK after a few hours or not at all. Never initiate. Reply slowly and with less than the messages sent. You are busy with your life and refraining from being rude.

Silence isn't rudeness unless it's admin. Reply to admin with admin.

Are you collecting the xxxx. Response yes at 10

Do you have the children's left boot? Response no it's in the bag.

Gently

V

[CaliGuy]

Yes, it will be hard, and the tests come up. I've already failied. So FRUSTRATING!

I was on with the DB Coach and she called. I didn't answer but did call back 5 mins later (even after your text response suggestions). She didn't answer. I then saw her followup Because I was busy



text:

W: Just calling to say hello
W: That is all
Me: Aha! Just saw this now. Hello! (30-60 min later) Sorry I missed your call I was busy

So stupid!!!!

See how the above small adjustments could get someone to wonder "What is T33 up to?"

Not rude or any A-hole involed ... you are simply GAL and to busy to be bothered with ... as V aptly put it .. a routine temp check.

Do not be hard on yourself ... its a process

Just a tip .... something I did. If your W never sees your phone, never snoops ... change her Contact Name to DB, or Detach ... something to remind you ... It worked wonders for me.

[t33]

Thank you both V & CaliGuy. Yes - it's starting to click. Frustrating.

It's a conflict in my mind because I feel responsible for not being there because I'd been so busy with work. Yet - we're in a different situation now.

Starting to see this as somebody poking somebody else. If you poke and get no response, you wonder why and try to poke again. If you try to poke and somebody starts grabbing for your finger you recoil and jump back.

Gotta figure out when to slowly try to grab the finger. But realize it's not now...

So frustrating that I missed a great opportunity and failed the temp check. Dang!

[CaliGuy]

Thank you both V & CaliGuy. Yes - it's starting to click. Frustrating.

It's a conflict in my mind because I feel responsible for not being there because I'd been so busy with work. Yet - we're in a different situation now.

Starting to see this as somebody poking somebody else. If you poke and get no response, you wonder why and try to poke again. If you try to poke and somebody starts grabbing for your finger you recoil and jump back.

Gotta figure out when to slowly try to grab the finger. But realize it's not now...

You do not grab the finger

So frustrating that I missed a great opportunity and failed the temp check. Dang!

I would not say you 'failed' .. you simply took bait .. taking bait on a temp check is common, its easy ... you are new at this .. again do not beat yourself up.

Even in the book it would state these things go against every fiber indie of you ... accept that .. learn ... LEARN .. and move on to the next test and challenge.

[t33]

I would not say you 'failed' .. you simply took bait .. taking bait on a temp check is common, its easy ... you are new at this .. again do not beat yourself up.

Even in the book it would state these things go against every fiber indie of you ... accept that .. learn ... LEARN .. and move on to the next test and challenge.

Thank you!! Gotta not grab the finger. Test #2. She just sent me a picture of her new ID Badge & picture.

Must hold out. In an hour or so...maybe a - "Hey nice pic!"

Little by little...