How can I successfully rid my compulsion to fix "things",when I am an Industrial equipment technician and analyzing,troubleshooting, fixing, and maintaining are part of my lifelong training and everyday career.
Make the "Fixing" about working on your own issues. Become the best WEST1 that you can become.
Have you sincerely apologized and asked her for forgiveness?
If you do, please do NOT then attach either an added comment to even the score (e.g. "but you have problems too b/c you're not perfect" or "forgive me OR you are wrong")
, b/c asking for forgiveness is a request you can make, not a demand. Realize too, that forgiveness is a PROCESS so even if she wants to forgive, she may not know how).
Just so I know, how was forgiveness modeled in your childhood? And your w's?
For me it was a learned skill b/c I did not see it growing up. My parents fought, escalated and then retreated, never truly resolving conflict. For me, the decision to forgive was really just a step in a many step process that took time and sometimes, it was a new choice to make on a daily basis.
If you want to fix something, or someone, know this fact: you are the only person YOU can "repair" or work on. Period.
When you really get this^^, deep down, it will free you to release the illusion of control over others, that you may have,
and will much more effectively direct your energy (at the only one you can change or fix, YOU).
Here's the "math" of it. Consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in.
What are the changes you are working on? How can she believe you will NOT use the "lack of attention" from her as an excuse to cheat again?
And btw, most wives who are ml on almost a daily basis (did I read that right?)
with twin 1 year olds, would understandably believe they are meeting their h's needs.
If she was on Fb that much perhaps she was not getting HER needs met by you. I mean, you may want to look at that as a possibility. Having empathy for her and not justifying the affair will get you a lot farther towards your stated goal of saving the m, I think.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
