Help and support appreciated

[Sotto]

Hi West 1, that sounds encouraging from your W. One thing for you to think about is the degree of devastation caused by two EAs within the M. I sensed from an earlier post that you were irritated by her going on about your previous EA, which suggests to me that it was never really dealt with by you both. And the same thing has happened again five years later - this was probably your W's worst fear.

One thing to bear in mind is how important emotional safety is to women within a M. One thing I have realised is it's not possible for me to feel safe within the M if my H is having inappropriate contact outside of the M. Now likely he was doing that because he had needs that weren't being met. Also, he didn't convey what those needs really were. He just let resentment build and then started a PA.

So, I think there are some big things to think about going forward. What needs weren't being met that led you to have inappropriate contact with a third party? How able are you to say what you need within your M? How can your W feel safe again within your R, given your recent actions? I recommend Shirley Glass - After the Affair - as a useful read for anyone affected by infidelity.

I'm pleased that things may be turning for you, but I also think you are going to have to dig quite deep here if you want to achieve a more sustainable R going forward.

Good luck to you :-)