Detaching means you are not hitching your wagon on the spouse's actions, behaviors, or words thus being influenced by them. It is like being thrown about like a ragged doll. Detachment means you are not impacted by another individual's actions, behaviors or words. You still care about the person and interact with them without being thrown off kilter.
Whereas withdrawing is a self-protection mechanism where there is no contact and shutting yourself off from the event, situation, or interaction. Withdrawing from a person is total disengagement which means that YOU are affected by the attendant event/situation.
Make sense? Hope this helps.
Ugh. Yes. That makes sense. I have had a history of withdrawing which was the cause of our previous relationship problems and now I find myself being pulled to do it again. I have read & reread the detachment sticky but am having a hard time with it. In reality, all I do is in an effort to get my spouse to work on our marriage.
So I guess I just don't know how to detach when I really care about wanting intimacy and closeness in our relationship. I just end up withdrawing (avoiding contact with him).
So if he does something... like not wearing his wedding ring... this is hurtful and makes me panic. But if I were to detach, I wouldn't be hurt by it, not worried about it? Or just not react to it outwardly?
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
